Ah, I forgot to include the details of why I titled the last post what I did... oops!
So on Thursday, 5/19/11, after arriving in Carmel and finding out I couldn't get into my apartment until the next day, I drove through town, looking around and for a place for dinner.
As I drove through town, my brain refused to accept that I live here now. Maybe part of it is because I have been on the road since early January, and it isn't quite real that I am now permanently placed again, after expecting to live on the road for at least a year.
The few days that I have been here (at this writing, it is now Tuesday) have been a bit of a roller-coaster of emotions. Happy to have a place to call my own and nest into that, but mourning the fact that everything and one I know are over a thousand miles away. That I can't just call my friends and get together for coffee or a movie if the spirit strikes.
I know I am fine and will thrive here. It really is my kind of community - arts-based with pretty parks and lots of new places that are great for walking. I am very excited about my new job, and everything about this area. Okay, almost everything - the lighting storms and torrential rains are kinda scary...
But I also feel it is important to honor the part of me that is grieving and going through a huge transition right now. It is interesting that when I state that I'm scared, sad, or anything besides excited, many folks feel the need to reassure me that I am okay and that I "should just be excited" - it is fascinating that so many people are uncomfortable with any kind of discomfort. Just because I am scared or sad, doesn't mean I regret where I am, don't think I'm in the right place, or am not excited - I'm just going through a lot of things right now, and that's all as it should be.
So yeah, even though nothing looks familiar and I'm homesick for what I know, the answer is yes, I do live here now...
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I live here now?!?
Here I am, safe and sound in Carmel, IN, surrounded by a slowly lessening stack of boxes and bins in my new apartment.
I wanted to do updates from the road, but didn't have access to internet - okay, that and I was really tired after driving tons each day.
The first day I made it as far as Bridgeport, CT, and had a great time visiting with my friend Nate, who is in Natureopath school. The next morning after sending Nate off to finals, I drove to Stamford, CT to visit with my friend, Muneeza, and her 2 beautiful daughters. It was a nice, leisurely morning, and a really good visit - but did put me on the road considerably later than anticipated. If there is anything that I learned on this trip, it was the lesson of letting go of expectations and schedules, and allowing things to be what they need to be. I still struggle with that one, but for a little while, I practiced living in the moment rather than the future or past.
The 2nd night I found a campground in Lancaster County, PA and nested in a makeshift bed in the back of my Vibe. It got me through - not the best rest, but enough to keep going the next day.
It was a beautiful morning on the 3rd day, and I really enjoyed a break at Hershey, PA, after driving through some backroads in Lancaster County and taking pictures of barns painted with the designs that the Amish are famous for. I took the Chocolate World factory tour, and a trolley tour of downtown Hershey - I never knew what an incredible philanthropist Milton Hershey was!
From there, I had a couple hours with my friend, Jaynie, in Harrisburg, PA. Then it was back on the road - having loads of adventures in driving in torrential rains (the whole trip was almost all rain) while surrounded by 18-wheelers. After crossing into Ohio, I found a rest area and slept in the car again - this time just putting my seat back.
I did pick up some cheese and fresh sourdough bread at the "Amish Cheese Shop" just over the border in Indiana - oh, delish!! :)
I arrived at my new apartment complex about 1:30 in the afternoon Thursday, only to discover that I wouldn't be able to get into the apartment until Friday morning! So I made some calls, had some dinner and was grateful to be taken in by some new friends in nearby Indianapolis.
Bright and early at 9am, the movers arrived and we unloaded into the apartment - they accomplished in 3 hours what would have taken me at least 3 days - if you ever need moving, Glenn Jocelyn's guys at "Moving and Odd Jobs" in Chicopee, MA are the BEST!!
That brings me pretty much up to date - slowly working my way through the stacks of boxes and bins. Very excited to have an actual dining room and walk-in closet!
I wanted to do updates from the road, but didn't have access to internet - okay, that and I was really tired after driving tons each day.
The first day I made it as far as Bridgeport, CT, and had a great time visiting with my friend Nate, who is in Natureopath school. The next morning after sending Nate off to finals, I drove to Stamford, CT to visit with my friend, Muneeza, and her 2 beautiful daughters. It was a nice, leisurely morning, and a really good visit - but did put me on the road considerably later than anticipated. If there is anything that I learned on this trip, it was the lesson of letting go of expectations and schedules, and allowing things to be what they need to be. I still struggle with that one, but for a little while, I practiced living in the moment rather than the future or past.
The 2nd night I found a campground in Lancaster County, PA and nested in a makeshift bed in the back of my Vibe. It got me through - not the best rest, but enough to keep going the next day.
It was a beautiful morning on the 3rd day, and I really enjoyed a break at Hershey, PA, after driving through some backroads in Lancaster County and taking pictures of barns painted with the designs that the Amish are famous for. I took the Chocolate World factory tour, and a trolley tour of downtown Hershey - I never knew what an incredible philanthropist Milton Hershey was!
From there, I had a couple hours with my friend, Jaynie, in Harrisburg, PA. Then it was back on the road - having loads of adventures in driving in torrential rains (the whole trip was almost all rain) while surrounded by 18-wheelers. After crossing into Ohio, I found a rest area and slept in the car again - this time just putting my seat back.
I did pick up some cheese and fresh sourdough bread at the "Amish Cheese Shop" just over the border in Indiana - oh, delish!! :)
I arrived at my new apartment complex about 1:30 in the afternoon Thursday, only to discover that I wouldn't be able to get into the apartment until Friday morning! So I made some calls, had some dinner and was grateful to be taken in by some new friends in nearby Indianapolis.
Bright and early at 9am, the movers arrived and we unloaded into the apartment - they accomplished in 3 hours what would have taken me at least 3 days - if you ever need moving, Glenn Jocelyn's guys at "Moving and Odd Jobs" in Chicopee, MA are the BEST!!
That brings me pretty much up to date - slowly working my way through the stacks of boxes and bins. Very excited to have an actual dining room and walk-in closet!
Monday, May 16, 2011
on the road part 1
Well, it is finally here - or rather, I am. It has been a very long day, but an amazing one. First, I was woken up by my friend, Jen, texting me. Then saying goodbye to Harper and thanking her for everything and letting me stay with her. It is an amazing thing to have good friends who give you a soft, safe, wonderful place to land and help facilitate transitions.
Then I had coffee with my dear Matthew, then a wonderful adjustment and coffee with my very good friend and Chiropractor, Mindi (please visit www.motiondoc.com). I'm so glad we were finally able to find time to connect and talk.
Next was lunch with my best friend and mentor, Brenda. We've seen each other a bit over the past 2 weeks while working, but how wonderful to get to see each other and just relax and chat.
Then a few mystery shops (4, to be exact) and I was finally out of Massachusetts, getting to see my friend Phil, who is in one of my favorite bands (Selfish Steam).
Finally, driving through off-and-on rain, I am now in Bridgeport, CT, visiting with my good friend Nate, who is here in Naturopathic school. I think it is definitely finals week, as his cat, Ellie, went crazy when I started petting her and giving her attention...
As far as miles go, I didn't get that far - but emotionally, I have been to the moon and back the past couple days....
More soon! :)
Then I had coffee with my dear Matthew, then a wonderful adjustment and coffee with my very good friend and Chiropractor, Mindi (please visit www.motiondoc.com). I'm so glad we were finally able to find time to connect and talk.
Next was lunch with my best friend and mentor, Brenda. We've seen each other a bit over the past 2 weeks while working, but how wonderful to get to see each other and just relax and chat.
Then a few mystery shops (4, to be exact) and I was finally out of Massachusetts, getting to see my friend Phil, who is in one of my favorite bands (Selfish Steam).
Finally, driving through off-and-on rain, I am now in Bridgeport, CT, visiting with my good friend Nate, who is here in Naturopathic school. I think it is definitely finals week, as his cat, Ellie, went crazy when I started petting her and giving her attention...
As far as miles go, I didn't get that far - but emotionally, I have been to the moon and back the past couple days....
More soon! :)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
validation and loose ends
Wow - the past 6 weeks have raced by. Here's the update:
I am truly grateful for my time in Reno - I learned a lot about myself as a person, a professional, and as an artist. By the time I left, I was genuinely sad to leave, both my friends in beautiful Northern Nevada, and also the show. I sincerely hope that folks will keep in touch, and drop by if they are ever in the area.
From Reno, I came back to Western MA to put together the lighting design for the Emerging Choreographer Series dance concert at Hampshire College. This is one of my favorite shows, and I got to work with some of my favorite members of the 5-College Dance Program, including Tristan Drummond, Sierra Boyea, Jean Baxter, and Billbob Brown. I hear the show went well, but didn't get to see it as I flew out to Minneapolis on opening night.
In Minneapolis, I had the gift of seeing "Hiroshima" at Pangea World Theater - this was a work-in-progress of an autobiographical one-man show by a fellow who grew up in Hiroshima, and now lives in the U.S.
The day after Hiroshima closed, I moved in (took over) the space to load in "Eleven Reflections on September", an amazing piece written, directed, and performed by Andrea Assaf. Andrea is a Lebanese-American and New Yorker, who was preparing to return to NYC on 9/11. It is eleven pieces of original poetry, multimedia, and live music. It was an amazing, powerful, performance. It was also a challenge technically. I had 16 lights with which to light the entire piece, with several areas that needed to be specially highlighted. For those who do not understand, the next "smallest" show I've done had about 60 lights. The good news is that I managed to make miracles out of practically nothing, and it was beautiful (so said the Artistic Director!). I have to say, I was very proud of the work I did. In addition to the lighting, I also had to figure out how to make a piece of scenery hang, move to the center of the stage, then fall to the floor on cue - and on a very minimal budget. If you are interested in how it worked, there is a short youtube video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB4QB5omDEA
It was amazing working with Pangea. They are a group dedicated to work that really matters. It was empowering and healing to be in an evironment where I felt valued and honored as a person and as an artist. I love working with Andrea, and look forward to seeing my new friends at Pangea again.
On the personal side of my Minneapolis experience, I stayed with a lovely couple and their two cats and 18-month old puppy. It was wonderful to be back with animals again, and to cuddle with a very loving puppy on a daily basis. I keep saying, if you don't think you matter - hang out with a dog... :)
We also had a very interesting turn of events - an hour after we closed out "Eleven Reflections", we got the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed - VERY interesting timing...
Back in Mass, the past 2 weeks have been all about getting everything together and ready for the big move to Indiana. Additionally, I had the gift of seeing "Pilobolus" as UMass-Amherst (if you have a chance to see them, do yourself a huge favor and go - you will SO thank me!). I have been able to connect with a lot of folks while I've been here - some I haven't seen in over a year. It does make me wonder why it seems like it takes someone dying or moving to make us make time for each other? It has been so much fun, I want to make sure I do make plans with folks on a regular basis.
I also got to work one of my favorite events (I even stayed in the area a few extra days to be there) - the Nurses Pinning Ceremony commencement weekend. I always love this event, and working with Maureen and Liz is always such a joy.
I also saw my two beautiful cats - they have adjusted well and settled it, but it was nice to feel like they've missed me...
In some ways it still doesn't seem real that this is all happening. My plans keep changing, and it feels like a lesson in letting go and letting things be what they need to be.
I feel so much gratitude these days. For being given the opportunity to see so many dear friends the past couple weeks, including seeing my darling Leland perform for the first time in over 2 years. Seeing my friend, Robin, doing so well, and moving forward. For being able to stay with my good friend, Harper, and spend time reconnecting (and cooking!) with her. I am so fortunate to have so many amazing, wonderful, talented people in my life.
I feel like everything is wrapping up here. I am excited to begin this new chapter of my life. I am equal parts terrified, sad, and excited. Some folks have had a need to seemingly reassure me that I am doing the right thing - that is not in question for me. It is just interesting that some folks just can't be around someone who is in any state of discomfort, regardless of the reason.
If we aren't uncomfortable - at least a little - we aren't growing. We only grow when we are on the edge of our comfort zone - when we are complacent, we have no need to keep moving...
Next update from the road!!! :)
I am truly grateful for my time in Reno - I learned a lot about myself as a person, a professional, and as an artist. By the time I left, I was genuinely sad to leave, both my friends in beautiful Northern Nevada, and also the show. I sincerely hope that folks will keep in touch, and drop by if they are ever in the area.
From Reno, I came back to Western MA to put together the lighting design for the Emerging Choreographer Series dance concert at Hampshire College. This is one of my favorite shows, and I got to work with some of my favorite members of the 5-College Dance Program, including Tristan Drummond, Sierra Boyea, Jean Baxter, and Billbob Brown. I hear the show went well, but didn't get to see it as I flew out to Minneapolis on opening night.
In Minneapolis, I had the gift of seeing "Hiroshima" at Pangea World Theater - this was a work-in-progress of an autobiographical one-man show by a fellow who grew up in Hiroshima, and now lives in the U.S.
The day after Hiroshima closed, I moved in (took over) the space to load in "Eleven Reflections on September", an amazing piece written, directed, and performed by Andrea Assaf. Andrea is a Lebanese-American and New Yorker, who was preparing to return to NYC on 9/11. It is eleven pieces of original poetry, multimedia, and live music. It was an amazing, powerful, performance. It was also a challenge technically. I had 16 lights with which to light the entire piece, with several areas that needed to be specially highlighted. For those who do not understand, the next "smallest" show I've done had about 60 lights. The good news is that I managed to make miracles out of practically nothing, and it was beautiful (so said the Artistic Director!). I have to say, I was very proud of the work I did. In addition to the lighting, I also had to figure out how to make a piece of scenery hang, move to the center of the stage, then fall to the floor on cue - and on a very minimal budget. If you are interested in how it worked, there is a short youtube video at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB4QB5omDEA
It was amazing working with Pangea. They are a group dedicated to work that really matters. It was empowering and healing to be in an evironment where I felt valued and honored as a person and as an artist. I love working with Andrea, and look forward to seeing my new friends at Pangea again.
On the personal side of my Minneapolis experience, I stayed with a lovely couple and their two cats and 18-month old puppy. It was wonderful to be back with animals again, and to cuddle with a very loving puppy on a daily basis. I keep saying, if you don't think you matter - hang out with a dog... :)
We also had a very interesting turn of events - an hour after we closed out "Eleven Reflections", we got the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed - VERY interesting timing...
Back in Mass, the past 2 weeks have been all about getting everything together and ready for the big move to Indiana. Additionally, I had the gift of seeing "Pilobolus" as UMass-Amherst (if you have a chance to see them, do yourself a huge favor and go - you will SO thank me!). I have been able to connect with a lot of folks while I've been here - some I haven't seen in over a year. It does make me wonder why it seems like it takes someone dying or moving to make us make time for each other? It has been so much fun, I want to make sure I do make plans with folks on a regular basis.
I also got to work one of my favorite events (I even stayed in the area a few extra days to be there) - the Nurses Pinning Ceremony commencement weekend. I always love this event, and working with Maureen and Liz is always such a joy.
I also saw my two beautiful cats - they have adjusted well and settled it, but it was nice to feel like they've missed me...
In some ways it still doesn't seem real that this is all happening. My plans keep changing, and it feels like a lesson in letting go and letting things be what they need to be.
I feel so much gratitude these days. For being given the opportunity to see so many dear friends the past couple weeks, including seeing my darling Leland perform for the first time in over 2 years. Seeing my friend, Robin, doing so well, and moving forward. For being able to stay with my good friend, Harper, and spend time reconnecting (and cooking!) with her. I am so fortunate to have so many amazing, wonderful, talented people in my life.
I feel like everything is wrapping up here. I am excited to begin this new chapter of my life. I am equal parts terrified, sad, and excited. Some folks have had a need to seemingly reassure me that I am doing the right thing - that is not in question for me. It is just interesting that some folks just can't be around someone who is in any state of discomfort, regardless of the reason.
If we aren't uncomfortable - at least a little - we aren't growing. We only grow when we are on the edge of our comfort zone - when we are complacent, we have no need to keep moving...
Next update from the road!!! :)
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