sharing joy and sorrows

When I got back to MA from "Menopause the Musical", I *thought* I would have 3 weeks to rest, relax, and gently catch up with friends and myself - I could not have been more wrong! I haven't stopped! I have had the chance to catch up with folks I haven't seen in forever, designed the lights for a dance concert, and interviewed for 4 jobs and even saw a couple of apartments, "just in case." But most of all, I have celebrated. Two of my dear friends had graduations this spring. The first shout-out goes to Bette, who received her MA in History from UMass-Amherst last weekend. We've known each other almost 9 years, and it has been amazing to watch her hold true to her goals and dreams and overcome several challenges to reach this point. You go, girl!! The second shout-out goes to one of my two best friends, Jen. I had the honor of being invited and able to attend her commencement at she received her Doctor of Veterinary medicine from the Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts Univesity in Grafton, MA - the only Veterinary school in New England. Everyone knows that becoming a vet is big - huge. But this is really, REALLY huge. I met Jen just about 10 years ago in a pottery class, and we became immediate best friends - and have been there ever since. We've been through relationship joys and woes together, virtually held each others hand when one was driving across the country and realized what she was doing and freaked out. We've loved, laughed, cried, and been there for each other. I've sat through "class" in her dining room as she "taught" me about organic chemistry (at least I think that's what it was, I never was completely sure!), caused a roomful of people to give me very strange looks as I burst out laughing at random texts she would send me during class (such as, "Cool! Kangaroos have TWO uteruses!"), and even did an emergency hypnosis session on the phone to help her calm down to be able to finish studying for a test that had her freaked. It made me and her friend Clint laugh yesterday when the Dean acknowledged all the "important people our graduates would not have made it through this without" - parents, children, grandparents and siblings - he and I turned to each other and said, "I guess friends don't count!" :) I am happy to be the silent, unsung supporter of someone like Jen. This amazing, sparkling, talented,gifted person with a heart bigger than Texas. The world is a brighter place for her being here, and wherever she chooses to set up her practice will never truly know how blessed they are and how fortunate their animals will be. I am so proud of this sister of my heart. In all the joy of being at Tufts yesterday, I won't say that there wasn't some sadness, too. I couldn't help but think of my friend, Josh, who you may recall my telling you in an previous post died earlier this year. Looking at all these bright, shiny, new Vets, I couldn't help but think about how that should have been him in a year. Several times during the day I found myself overflowing with emotion - both joy in seeing Jen reach this milestone and in being able to be here for it, and sorrow for knowing that Josh's family will not get to participate in this particular ritual. I find it fascinating how uncomfortable our society is with tears. Another of Jen's guests, every time she happened to see me cry, felt the need to tell me I "must" think and feel a particular way about what was going on. I appreciated that she was trying to help, so I didn't say anything - but if I can, please let me take a moment to help you know what to do in that kind of situation. First (as was the case here), if you don't know the person very well, please DO NOT tell them what to think and feel (ie, "You need to be happy! Think about how happy you are! You shouldn't be crying! You're not sad!") - it is their experience, and they have the right to experience it in their own way (not to mention, you're ASSuming that because they are crying they are sad). Think for a moment - they may not want you drawing attention to their tears (I know I didn't). If it makes you uncomfortable and you don't know what to say, don't say anything. I'm sorry if it does make you uncomfortable - but it really isn't your place to tell me to stop feeling what I am feeling. If anything, a simple "Are you okay?" would be much more appropriate and appreciated. Tears are good. They release emotion that if it is kept inside, will cause damage both emotionally and physically. It is okay to cry, to be emotional. I still have great tears of joy when I think about the fact that Jen is now DOCTOR Jen! I am thrilled beyond words about this. And I will probably always have tears of sorrow for the fact that Josh didn't realize this particular dream. One of my favorite moments in church is when they invite people forward to share joys and sorrows. Since I missed church yesterday, thanks for letting me share. :)