Married and sleeping alone

I promise - I'll be posting within the next 48 hours about the wedding, and putting some pictures in. But first, I wanted to talk about Paul's relocation to Australia - there has been a lot of questions about it, and I thought I'd try to address them here. Paul is from Adelaide, South Australia (if you put your hands together to make a circle, it is roughly the shape of Australia - Adelaide is where the thumbs come together). He came here 3 years ago because his then-wife wanted to live in the U.S. to be closer to her parents (she is Greek, but her folks came here when she was 3, and she has dual-citizenship with Greece and the USA). Within a few months, she had had an affair, hooked up with another partner, and told Paul the marriage was over. She put him on a plane to Australia (saying she and their son would be joining them and they were going to try to work it out so he would go willingly). Literally the day he left, she moved her new lover in with her and their son, and that was that. Paul returned to this country Oct 2011 to fight for custody of his son. We think it is primarily because the court was afraid he'd take Z back to Australia at the first opportunity that she was awarded full physical custody (and they were likely right). So he sees Z Mon/Wed evenings 4:30-8:30, and every other weekend. This in itself isn't enough to justify his return to Australia. It was never his intention to go back before his son could go with him. However, we are sadly not dealing with a sane, rational, situation here. His ex-wife has a history of making things up to mess with him - when he first got back into the country, he gave his son a cell phone so they could stay in touch. It was written into the custody order that they be able to communicate, and that she allow Z to have the phone to have private conversation with his father. The first time they tried to speak, she answered the phone, then stood over Z to overhear the conversation. Afterwards, she took the phone away and they have never spoken on the phone again. When Paul left for Australia the last time and she moved her lover in, she threw away everything related to Paul - photographs, letters, mementoes of Paul's mother who has passed away, Paul's baby book, gifts Paul had given his son, Paul's KISS collection - everything. She even went into Z's room and found a game his dad had mailed him from Australia for his X-box - she left the package, but took the game out of the machine and threw it away so Z couldn't play it. Then she called the police and told them Paul had hit her and threatened Z and had him arrested (this cost him a really good job at Mercy Hospital that he was supposed to start in 3 days). When it came to trial, she claimed "marital privilege" and dropped the charges - reminding him that she could do this at any time if he did anything she didn't like. As a result, the only work he's been able to find in this country is minimum-wage jobs working overnights at a convenience store and as the fish guy in the grocery store (thank goodness for that part-time job!). When he returned to this country, his ex-wife's mom took him in so she could also have access to Z (Paul's ex-wife banner her from having any contact with Z as well). This worked well for quite some time, with Paul getting a lot of support (and even encouragement to start dating again!). When I came onto the scene, she seemed genuinely happy Paul had found something real with someone who genuinely cared about him, not just his wallet. But for some reason, when I left for the ship, that changed, and it became an incredibly toxic environment. Between child support and increased rent demands from his ex-mother-in-law, Paul was left with maybe $30/week to live on and support his son (his ex-mother-in-law also stopped cooking for them on the days Z was visiting), and also pretty much took away laundry and cooking privileges in the house. It became exceptionally toxic, and a phenomenally depressing place to be - with no real hope felt, as he was in an impossible situation as on his income he couldn't really afford a place of his own (it would have to be a 2-bedroom or the court won't let Z spend the weekends). I help out as I can, but my income on the ship only left me with a small amount at the end of the month as well. After great discussion and deliberation, Paul decided to return to Australia where he doesn't have to constantly look over his shoulder to wonder if today is the day she'll decide she doesn't like something and have him arrested again just to be spiteful. In Australia, he is one of the top swimming instructors, and highly sought-after. His earning capacity is over 7 times what he can make in this country, and he has a support network there. So we made the difficult decision to put him on a plane back to Australia, to put things in place for his son and myself to join him as soon as possible. We've been getting a lot of questions (hence this post) about why I'm not going at this point. There are a few factors involved - because we don't have a home there, it is easier for Paul to couch surf and get things settled and set up without having to worry about having me along at this point. More relevant, though, is the financial situation. It is approximately $1750 for a one-way ticket from the US to Australia, $3500 for a round trip ticket. As far as we know, until my residency paperwork is approved, I would only be able to stay in the country for up to 90 days at a time, and then have to leave the country for at least 48 hours. So on top of the $4000 we have to pay with the visa paperwork, we'd have to come up with my airfare and ongoing airfare to keep me legal while we wait for visa approval. So that's why, 10 days after our fairy tale wedding, we are married but sleeping alone. The good news is Paul has 3 job interviews set up for the day after he gets home. I'm a bit concerned about him going full throttle and not letting himself adjust to being in-country for a few days (I am always so exhausted after a really long flight), but I love that he wants to get me there as quickly as possible. I promise to keep you all posted on how things are going. Thanks, everyone, for all your love and support.

Looking back, stepping forward

Wow - I can't believe it has been so long since I've posted. I apologize if you've been looking forward to an update! So the last time I wrote, I was on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I left the Island Princess on October 10, to return to Massachusetts and my beloved fiancé (we decided we were getting married while I was on the ship). About my time on the ship - it was challenging in many ways, but overall I am grateful for the experience. I learned a lot about myself, about boundaries and standing up for myself, speaking up for myself, creating community and staying positive in an environment that just wants to complain. I got to spend time in the Caribbean, fell in love with Aruba, saw part of the America's Cup while in harbor in San Francisco, crossed off three "bucket list" items (saw where Joan D'Arc was martyred, sailed Alaska, and went through the Panama Canal), and had the best meal of my life in Funchal, Madeira. I made some amazing friends, and find myself a little more nostalgic and homesick for the ship than I ever thought I would be. October 11, the day I got home, Paul "officially" proposed to me. He looked at me and said, "Do you really love me? I mean, do you REALLY love me?" I said "Yes, of course you know I do." He then got down on one knee, pulled out the ring box to show me the ring, and said, "You know I love you. You know I want to be with you. You know I love you with all my heart. Will you, Kat, do me the honor, of becoming my wife?" I started to cry and said "Yes." He put the ring on my finger, and I jumped up and shouted to the place, "I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!" The place applauded, and a lovely woman came over and asked to see my ring. We took some pictures, and it was a day to remember always. He proposed at the same table where we shared our first date, coffee at Starbuck's. Since I've been home, it has been a whirlwind of activity getting ready for the wedding on November 16. We did a lot of legwork while I was at sea, but there are still a lot of last-minute details to take care of. I have to say, this has been a far different experience than my first wedding to my ex-husband, and Paul says the same is true for him. I am loving having a fiancé that is so engaged and wants to be part of the process - it's really sweet how excited he is to get married, and how much he is loving planning and preparing for our wedding. It has been quite a process planning a full wedding on such a shoestring budget, but somehow we're managing without going *too* far over budget. All I can say, is how immensely humbled and grateful I am for the love and support of my friends who have rallied to help pull it all together, especially Allison Biggs, graphic designer extraordinaire who has singlehandedly organized the signage, decorations, reception, flowers, and a million other details I never would have thought about. Looking forward to the wedding in 2 days time! :) If you are interested, I am also selling most of the pottery I have made in a dual effort to downsize and to help fund the $4000 we need for my visa for Australia. Some of it is somewhat beginner, but all made by me with love. Feel free to have a look, comment on any piece(s) you may like, and let me know so we can organize getting it out to you (no reasonable offer will be refused).

He liked it so he put a ring on it!!!! :D

Life on a Cruise Ship

Everywhere I go, everyone says how cool my job is and how wonderful it must be to work on a cruise ship. And for the most part, it really is a cool job. I am making friends with people from all over the world - in fact, in the past week, two of my friends that are leaving the ship to go home on vacation have friended me on Facebook - so now I have friends in Russia and Turkey! A cruise ship is a really interesting environment - so many cultures (over 40 different countries are represented in the crew), with the common language of English required for employment, but the reality is varying levels of competency and it makes for some challenging moments (especially when you have to remind folks to please speak English during work calls). We all live, work, relax, and eat in a common environment, and in many ways it is a somewhat classless society - but yet it is very class-oriented. Even though there is only one crew bar and one crew mess (cafeteria), some of us have "deck privileges" and are able to eat in the Horizon Court Buffet rather than the crew mess. A few of us are "officer status" and can also eat in the officer's mess (where the food is MUCH better). Like many places, I've observed those in the more direct service positions often treated as if they are invisible - its taken about a month for people to even be willing to look at me in the M-1 (the main crew corridor on one of the lower decks). I think this is more that people don't often "see" each other rather than not wanting to know the new kid. Once I started to be known at the chick that makes eye contact and smiles, I've noticed that there are some folks that almost seem like they look out for me because I will go out of my way to say hello to them. I have to admit, the food on the ship is an interesting proposition - and surprisingly, very different on the Island Princess than on the Crown Princess. On the Crown Princess, I didn't mind eating most times in the Staff or Crew Mess (Staff Mess being a separate dining room with waiters and its own buffet). On the Island, the Staff Mess is just a separate room, but not its own buffet like on the Crown. On the Island Princess, over 85% of the crew is from the Phillipeans, and the food selection in the Crew Mess tends to reflect that. One of the more challenging aspects can be the attitude of "everyone is single on the ship". I have seen many a married person hook up, break up, and hook up again to try to relieve the lonliness that can be this environment in some ways, and to just "scratch the itch." I've had a few men hit on me, and some it has taken some convincing for them to understand that I am taken, I am committed, and I am in no way interested in "taking a break" from my relationship during my contract. Some of them can't seem to understand it at all, but finally I seem to have a bubble around me that says "don't even think about it." Fortunately, I have been making a lot of friends, and for me, that is enough.

My Gypsy Heart

So this blog is probably going to be one of the longer ones, as I have been running like a crazy person for the most part and haven't been able to sit long enough (while still awake) to catch everything up. So hopefully you'll enjoy this entry. I had forgotten the thrill, the excitement, the pure joy that is realizing you are in someplace completely "else". When we left Ft. Lauderdale on the 16th April, we began 6 days at sea as we took our time crossing the Atlantic. The days settled into a busy routine, and I enjoyed myself. I'd start out the day with the "knit and natter" group where I would watch them knit and other fiber art (since I didn't listen to the little voice that told me to pick up something at Wal-Mart in Galveston before we left), and just enjoy hearing stories and get to know some of the lovely ladies of the cruise. Then one morning I woke up, went up on deck, and saw land - and realized that I was in the Azores - a set of islands owned by Portugal. I had this wonderful rush when I realized that i was now in Europe, and getting to see this beautiful world. I spent a few hours in Ponta Delgada with my roommate, Chris, walking around town. It was the day before a major auto race, so there was a lot of excitement in the air. We went into the cathedral in the center of town - it was fairly nondescript on the outside, but incredibly ornate and beautiful on the inside. We went shoe shopping for her (sadly didn't find anything), and had a lovely lunch with an incredible pumpkin soup. We also ran into a ton of friends from the ship, which was a wonderful treat - that hadn't happened to me before, and it was great fun seeing people I knew in a strange place. Back to a day at sea, then we landed in Lisbon, Portugal on the 25th April. Lisbon is a beautiful city, but I saw little of it as I was an escort for the tour to Fatima - the second most visited site in the world where the Virgin Mary made an appearance. The drive to Fatima was about 90 minutes, through some incredibly beautful countryside up into the mountains. The town of Fatima is pretty much supported by the tourists and pilgrims that come to pay homage to the Holy Mother and her witnesses. The actual apparition site is now in a small building, with the shrine itself inaccessible to tourists. There is a small statue of the Madonna, under glass, that they bring out to use in candlelight procession on the 13th May and 13th August - the beginning and ending dates of the Holy Mother's appearances to the three children. In her crown is the remains of the bullet that nearly took Pope John Paul II's life, as he credites Our Lady of Fatima for protecting and preserving his life. The basilica they built is huge, and the plaza in front of it amazing. To one side, in a small area, they have a large piece of the Berlin Wall, showing the Portuguese people's dedication to liberty. There is also another Basilica across from the first one that was built to hold 9,000+ people because the first one wasn't big enough. In the original basilica are buried the three who witnessed Our Lady's appearance - they were cordoned off due to a children's choir concert, but I ended up following a woman from Ireland under the barrier and got to see it and take some pictures (and a couple of folks from my group followed me, and we were all very happy we got to see it). Just as we were leaving, the choir guy realized people were behind him and threw the folks behind me out! In Lisbon, we were docked next to a bridge that looks like the Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco - and it turns out it was built by the same company. They call it the "25th April Bridge" to celebrate ending many years of dictatorship. The bridge itself was completed in 1966 and named after the Dictator - then renamed to commemmorate the day they peaceably overthrew him with the "carnation revolution" - all the soldiers that marched in the demonstration put red carnations in the barrels of their guns (the Portuguese flag is red and green) to show they did not want to use violence. On this roadtrip, I also got to see a 400+ year old aqueduct, that holds the world's largest gothic archway, Portugal has the oldest boundaries in Europe, and the longest bridge in Europe. Another sea day, then arrival in Zeebrugge, Belgium. As it happens, Zeebrugge means "port of Brugge" and I got to escort the tour to the downtown area of Brugge. We walked and looked for 90 minutes around this incredible, beautiful city, then took a 30 min boat ride on the canals to see the city from that perspective. By the time we were done I was frozen, hungry, and cranky, so I was happy to find coffee, food, and internet for the remainder of the free time. One of the churches houses a sculpture by Michelangelo, but we didn't get to see it as it was Sunday (28th April) and tours were asked to stay out to respect the worship services going on. I also saw the world's tallest stone tower (on one of the churches) and one of them also contained what is reputed to be the blood of Christ (not seen for the same reason as the statue). I had my own miracle in Brugge - while online, I tried to check my bank balance and got locked out by the bank. Not thinking too much of it, I went to buy chocolate and souveniers and postcards - and my card was declined. I figured, "Well, that's that!" and started to walk away - and was stopped by a passenger who recognized me from the ship - and she insisted on buying the few items I had selected as a thank you for my hard work on behalf of the passengers. I tried to refuse, and she wouldn't let me - I am so humbled by her generosity. Today, 29 April 2013, we arrived in Le Havre, France. Chris (my roommate) and I woke up a bit early, so we decided to go walk around the city centre for an hour or two before we joined our tour at 1pm. It is a small city center, and after an hour or so we went back to the ship. The tour we escorted was to Rouen, about an hour and a quarter from Le Havre. It is home to a copy of the Notre-Dame cathedral, and also the site where Joan d'Arc was martyred in the 1400's. I hadn't put it together in my head that it was the site of Joan's martyrdom, and was ecstatic to check off yet another "bucket list" item. Next is Southampton, England, and saying goodbye to many new friends and bringing onboard new passengers and new performers. It also begins my two weeks of intense light board training in preparation for my new position. Wish me luck!

Princess Update 3

Tuesday, March 26, 2013 As I write this, I am waiting for the article change to finish (one of the many shipboard regulations that keep us in compliance with something). It has been an interesting week. I finally got to learn the "plan" that the company has for me, which is for me to actually get the training they promised me, and to promote up into the original position come July. As a result, I have been moved to a different position in my department, which has the additional benefit of getting me out of the somewhat toxic environment in which I had been working. The only thing is that the training still isn't any kind of formalized structure - they hope that the shift will give me the time to meet with the lighting director to learn what I need to learn about programming the board and caring for the intelligent lights. In the meantime, I run around like a demented ferret trying to keep everything going and done that is my new responsibility. It is challenging, as I often literally have 2-3 events starting at the same time in different parts of the ship, and the presenters tend to arrive at the same time to check their setup. I will say, though, that even with all the chaos and running around, I'm having fun for the first time since I got on board, and am really enjoying myself. In a lot of ways, this new position is a lot more in line with what I thought I had signed up for. It will be interesting to see what the next few weeks bring. Life on a ship is a unique animal - there are usually around 2800-3400 passengers, and about 1200 crew members on the Crown Princess. There are 19 decks, and a LOT of activity. You would think it would be hard to get to know anyone, but as it happens, it is more like a small town - you tend to see the same faces all the time, and friendships form fairly easily. I often run into Fabi (the Fabulous!) from Rio, who was my roommate the night before I joined the ship. I also see the cook, Riccardo from Rome, who joined the same day as well. My friends range from 3-stripe officers to cabin stewards and the guys who work on the ships septic system. For the most part, people are really friendly, and the company policy is to actually encourage people to be friendly in the hallways. Roatan, Honduras, tends to be hot and humid, I haven't gotten off in Belize yet, and Cozumel, Mexico is slightly more humid, but with a climate more resembling Southern California. I will say, however, that it really does make you grateful for what you have when you see the conditions in some of these countries. More soon, with job news, but for now....Adios! :)

Caribbean update

Friday, 15 March 2013 As I write this, I am on my way back to Galveston, TX, from the Caribbean - on this 7-day cruise, we spend a total of 3 days at sea, a day in Roatan, Honduras, a day in Belize, and a day in Cozumel, Mexico. I admit, I haven't seen a whole lot yet, but I'm hoping to get to go to they Mayan ruins before we leave this part of the world. I don't regret what I have done (which is sleep and talk with my man via internet), but I don't want to feel like I didn't take advantage of the situation and see things I may never get a chance to see again. So we've talked briefly before about the job situation, and the fact that it isn't quite what I thought it would be, so I won't belabor that point here. Just suffice to say that I am working hard to up my game, be a "team player", and have asked the lighting director to include me in any maintenance calls he has so I can become intimate with the intelligent lighting systems. So I know a lot of folks are curious about life onboard a cruise ship. Many have taken cruises with Princess, and I can honestly say, I would totally be a passenger on a Princess ship - they really know how to do it right. They have a mission statement of being the "consummate host" - both to passengers and to each other. That really resonates with me - to be the best you can be to both the people you serve, and the people with whom you work. Overall, it seems to be something fairly well implemented - my particular department seems to want to be a world unto itself, but I still strive to keep a positive attitude and model the mission statement, regardless of the attitude of those around me. The crew with whom I work is comprised of 7 or 8 different nationalities - primarily Philipino, we are losing our one guy from Mexico tomorrow (he's rotating home), with a Brit, a Canadian, a South African, a couple Indians, and an American (that's me!). Probably the most challenging thing is the language issues - many of my crewmates (especially the Philipinos) are VERY soft spoken, and tend not to enunciate very well. Last night, working on the followspot, the LD (lighting director) said he wished he could use some of my volume. It is frustrating on both sides that I have to constantly ask them to repeat things, but it is getting better. I'm starting to get it by the 2nd or 3rd time rather than the 5th or 6th. The heavy physical work is still heavy, and I'm still experiencing a great deal of frustration in that I get yelled at and told not to touch things when I take initiative and try to plug myself in, and I get yelled at if I stand back for a moment to assess what is going on and see where I can fit in. That is one of the most frustrating parts to me. That said, the running of the actual shows is finally going a lot more smoothly, and within the next round of performances I think I will feel fairly confident about almost all of it. We're also finding our way around fitting me into the changeover tasks, because I don't have the physical strength of my predecessor. Food-wise, things are challenging as well. I have found that the more I stay gluten-free, the better I feel and the more energy I have. It is challenging, though, because I seem to be the only crew member who is willing to speak up and say that I do have dietary issues. Fortunately, I am still eating fish and eggs, so I'm not quite as limited as I would be otherwise with regard to actual choices. Lets just say I eat a LOT of salad these days. I also walk and climb stairs CONSTANTLY. Yesterday in Cozumel I was on duty (that meant I couldn't leave the ship) and logged over 15,000 steps - just over 7.5 miles over the course of the day. That's a lot of running around for work! Fortunately for me, I also have what is called "deck priviledges" - this means I can go out and be where the passengers are. Almost every day at least once a day, I get assigned to either set up or tear down (or both) a band setup in one of the upper deck pool areas, and/or to run the "movies under the stars" - I love doing all of these because it means I'm up on deck and out in the fresh air for a few minutes. Often it is a beautiful day, warm, breezy, and a delight to be outside. The performers are also a joy. Many are Australian or Italian, and the greatest concentration of Americans are in the performers. Believe it or not, the first American I met onboard is actually from the town I grew up in! I also seem to be settling in with them, and becoming part of the crowd - which always makes me feel really good. They seem to know I am looking out for them, and are very sweet to me. My cabin is very small, with two bunk beds, a desk, a bathroom with a shower, toilet and sink, closet and one small set of drawers (pictures will be posted). Oddly, this is probably the easiest transition I've had to living with someone - it's maybe twice the size of the trailer bunk I shared in the Smirkus, although the bathroom is actually smaller than the trailer shower. The bed is surprisingly comfortable, and I sleep very well. I am delighted that there is a curtain I can draw and be private, and I am glad I had the forethought to bring some decorative pashmina-type things with me - I was able to attach them to the curtains, and it makes it a nice, comfortable, hidey-hole for me at night in my bunk. I don't have internet at the moment (only when I am in port) because it is wicked expensive onboard ($40 for 6 hours). I can get calling cards ($10 for 1 hour 15 min), but am working on getting a "global" plan for my phone - I think it is about $30 a month, and will be more cost effective than the calling cards (and hopefully better service). The hardest thing about this whole experience is being apart from my family - Paul and I have become incredibly close over the past months, as well as his son and I. I miss them every moment of every day, and wish I knew a better way to handle all of this. I know my mom misses being able to pick up the phone and ring me - hopefully when I get the extra plan on my phone, we can talk more.

Princess Update 1

As I type this, I am sitting in a cafe in Cozumel, Mexico, and it is a gorgeous day. The long and the short of the situation is that I was given to understand that I was being hired as Stage Crew to train and "fast track" into a Lighting position within 2-3 months. Apparently that wasn't communicated to the ship I am on, and I am now "general stage crew" - which means a LOT of heavy lifting, late nights, early mornings, and overall general exhaustion. I was also told that there would be plenty for me to eat (I am mostly vegetarian and gluten free), as there are crew members from around the world who have specific diet issues as well. Mostly I eat salad, and 1-2 out of 10 times, there isn't salad dressing I can eat. I get salmon almost every night, but some days they don't really even schedule us time to eat. I'm working on things, but I am really beginning to feel like I was hired under false pretenses, and that I'm either going to be stuck doing this job (I would have turned them down if I knew this what what I would be doing), or will have to pay my own airfare home. I won't say there aren't some good moments, but they tend to be few and far between. More late.