Timing Wow!!

We have some great news!!! If you've been on the fence about contributing to the indiegogo campaign (http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/keep-love-together), now may be the perfect time for you to join us!! Paul spoke with the Consulate in Australia today, and they said that if we can file by March 1 (the same time our funding campaign ends), my visa could process as quickly as 3-6 months - instead of the 8-12 months we were told previously. This means we have to have the $6000 together when we file, because if it happens sooner rather than later, I have to be ready to leave the country within 90 days or we have to start - and pay for - the process all over again. If you are blessed to spend every night and wake up next to your beloved every morning, can pick up the phone and text/call them anytime you want, believe in love and that it will find you, or just want to see more love in the world, we hope you will join and support us. Believe me - everything helps. Thanks!! Kat & Paul :)

Campaign is Launched!!

First of all, Happy 2014!!! I hope this finds everyone well and having had a lovely holiday season. Welcome also to all the new people following the blog (if you missed the one 2 postings ago with the wedding pictures, please go here: http://techchick-takingaleap.blogspot.com/ and scroll down to "The Story of Us". It's a bit of a long read, but (I think) worth it - there's also tons of pictures in that post. For those who are waiting for it, I have been in touch with the photographer - she said she has about 50 pictures left to edit, so I should have the lot sometime in the next 2 weeks!!! And now - drumroll - so many people have been asking about it, we are finally able to say that our indiegogo campaign has been launched!! We now have 60 days to raise $6000 so I can travel to Australia to live with my husband. If you are unclear as to why we are doing this, here's the Reader's Digest version...Paul came to the U.S. when his (now ex) wife wanted to move herehttp://www.indiegogo.com/projects/keep-love-together/x/5958552 in 2010 to be closer to her parents. They since separated and divorced, and a custody battle over their son ensued. She was granted full custody of Z, we think mainly because they were afraid Paul would take Z back to Australia and she'd never see him again (which sadly, is what Z actually wants). Between Paul not being able to get anything but minimum-wage jobs and his ex-wife fairly regularly bouncing between threatening to call the police and have him arrested for some trumped-up charge (yes, it has happened before) and then calling him sweetly trying to convince him to come back to her (she's apparently not happy in her current relationship), we made the decision to move our lives back to Paul's hometown of Adelaide, South Australia. The other reason is that the only place Paul could afford to live was renting a room from his ex-mother-in-law, and the situation was becoming increasingly toxic. I don't have anything to really tie me to the U.S. (yes, I love you my dear friends!), so it seemed like a good option - she can't legally enter Australia (apparently she has some legal issues she incurred before she left) and we would be left alone by Paul's ex-wife, and Paul has a job he loves that wants him back where he is not only professionally successful and paid well, but is really passionate and loving of the work itself (teaching swimming). In fact, Paul is one of the most highly sought-after swim instructors in the country. We've been getting a lot of questions about why I can't just go stay with him there while we get a visa, or even why I don't just automatically get a visa for being married to him. The truth is that Australia is a lot like the U.S. that way - even for married people from a "friendly" country, the hoops and red tape and cost are maddening. According to the Australian government, if I were to go to be with him under a tourist visa, they could consider that "entering the country under false pretenses" and have me deported and banned from re-entry for up to 5 years. The only way I can legally enter the country and stay is on a "partner" visa, which costs over $3,000 just to file. According to the Australian embassy, it should be at least 8-9 months before the approve my visa, and then I will have only 90 days to get myself there and appear before their government in Sydney. Before I leave, I will have to have a full medical exam, as well as FBI and background checks - all of which will cost another $1,000+. The flight to Australia will be approximately $2,000 - bringing us to the total that we are trying to raise of $6,000. We know it sounds like a lot of money (and it is), but it is our hope that if everyone who has been so supportive and loving of us through our journey of being separated for almost a year while I worked on the cruise ship, and would like to see us be together after having to have Paul leave when we were only married 10 days, will help us. We've had so many folks who wanted to be part of the wedding and couldn't - we hope you will step up and help us now. Think about it - if only 100 people donate $60 (or 200 at $30), that is everything we need. Please help us be together for our first anniversary on November 16, 2014 - we know it is a stretch, but we have faith that our loving community will help us get there. You can help by doing the following: 1) go to http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/keep-love-together/x/5958552 and make a donation. 2) Please send other people to the campaign and encourage them to make a donation. 3) Watch the video at http://youtu.be/80KtlCm5E4k and please share the video with everyone you know. Thanks a million in advance, and may you know love and joy throughout 2014. Love, Kat & Paul

Christmastime blues

Please hold my husband, Paul Milner, in your hearts and prayers this holiday season. Not only is he down because we are apart, but especially because his ex-wife has blocked all contact with his son. Yes, that is what I said - Paul is not allowed to have any form of contact whatsoever with his son. He cannot call him, she made Z block anyone she didn't know on his x-box in case one was his dad, and if Paul sends anything to him (letter, Christmas present, etc), she tosses it in the trash. Z is not looking forward to Christmas because he has no belief he will talk to his dad in the next 4-6 years, he has no faith his mom is getting him anything he actually wants for Christmas, and apparently he is spending Christmas Day with his mom's girlfriend's family - who does not get along with his mom at all, which will make for loads of fun all around. So Paul could please use some love sent his way - I know he hasn't abandoned us and is doing all he can for Z and I to have a better life with him, but right now he's not so sure...

The Story of Us

A lot of folks have asked about how we met, and many more want to know about the wedding since they couldn't be there - so here it is.... I apologize in advance for the likely length of this post, but I hope you enjoy it! :) It was a Sunday afternoon in mid-September, 2012. I had just gotten back from working the Castleton (opera) Festival and a massive cross-country drive. I thought I was leaving in 2 weeks to join the national tour of "A Chorus Line", and had bought a bright pink suitcase for the tour. I stopped off at the local grocery to pick up a few things, including some salmon, to make dinner for my bestie and myself. I was having an amazing day - the weather was beautiful, interesting work to look forward to, and a lovely day with my friend. I got into the fish department, and was immediately greeted by the fellow working the counter. I thought he was cute with his big brown eyes and beautiful smile, then he spoke - and I heard that Aussie accent. We ended up talking for over 20 minutes, and I gave him the tour of the pins I had tacked on my hat from my travels that summer, told him about the woman who gave me "jazz hands" when I borrowed her husband to help me get the suitcase down and told her I was going on tour, and about this blog in hopes that he might want my contact information. Now keep in mind, I had given up on ever meeting anyone - that's why I had decided to tour for the next indefinite period of time. It had been ages since I'd really been flirted with, and cute guys definitely never hit on me. But it didn't mean I didn't see him, and well, a girl can dream.... So he said he'd love to follow the blog, and I gave him my card. By the third day after not hearing anything, I began to think I really had imagined that he was flirting with me. I'm not sure what possessed me, but I decided to go see - and invite him to hear a friend's band play the following Saturday. I went in on Wednesday evening, and he wasn't there. I decided to give up, then figured "What the heck?" and went in on Thursday. He was working, and immediately apologized and said he'd lost my card and could he please please please have another one? I gave it to him, and before I got to my car, he'd texted to say my number was installed in his phone. He had his son that weekend and couldn't go to the show, but we did end up skyping - for about 3 1/2 hours. We decided to set a coffee date at Starbuck's for Monday morning at 11. By the end of the conversation, we moved it up to 9am because we were excited. We both arrived for our first date a little early. We got out of our cars to greet each other, and immediately went in for a hug. He actually kissed me, and it felt completely natural. We went in to get coffee, and there was a fellow sitting and waiting for his friend. He said hello and "how are you", and I replied, "It's a beautiful day, we're having good coffee, and I've got a cute guy - life is good!" We started the first of many "bubbles" - we find that when we focus on each other, we have no consciousness of anyone around us. As the fellow who said hello was leaving, he came by and said "I hope someday I find someone and can be as happy as you two." Needless to say, he nearly fell over when we told him it was our first date! Then there was the woman who kept staring and grinning at us - and neither of us knew who she was. Finally we gave up and went back to where I was staying and sat and talked for ages - our first date lasted for 7 1/2 hours. I've never enjoyed just being with someone so much.

We'd been together just over 5 1/2 months when I left to work for Princess Cruises. It was supposed to be a 6-month contract, and ended up being just under 8 months. All I can say is: thank goodness for Skype. I was coming off 6 months of unemployment, so I refused to pay for shipboard internet - this meant we could talk on the phone occasionally, and skype once in a while if I could find a decent enough connection while in port. It was hard, to say the least. Given Paul's nightmare situation (see most recent post previous to this one for that background), it was really rough on him. I was lucky - I was out doing cool things and seeing the world - he was stuck, but we did have each other. We knew that when I got home (we thought in August) that we'd want to get engaged. Then in April, we decided we just wanted to be married. So we got engaged. We realized that November 16th was a Saturday, it was a weekend Paul was scheduled to have his son with him, and it was exactly 14 months to the day from when we met - so a wedding we planned! He drove me nuts with details, but I have to say, it was beautiful having a man so excited to get married.

What seemed to take forever was suddenly over, and I was back in his arms. We spent my first two nights home in a motel, just relishing being together. The first morning, we went out to breakfast at Denny's (I'd been craving it for months) and back to "our" Starbucks for coffee. While we were there, at the same table where we had our first date, Paul got down on one knee and proposed. I had no idea he had planned that, and was totally taken off guard. I jumped up and hugged him, then yelled to the place "I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!" Everyone applauded, and a couple women asked to see the ring.

While I was on board the ship, I started looking into dresses. I found one I liked on a website, and ordered it. It was a cool little medieval-looking thing, and was supposed to be in silver.

Through a communication issue, the payment didn't go through immediately, and I wasn't able to get it because they couldn't guarantee I would have it in time. Yes, it's my fault for not checking to see if PayPal needed another step, but you would think that if they hadn't gotten payment confirmation within 24 hours, knowing it was for a wedding dress, that they would have checked in with me and not waited a week?? Anyway, I started shopping. I found a few things, but nothing that really made my heart sing.

And then I found this:

It wasn't traditional, but I sure did love it (and figured it would be perfect for when we have the ceremony on the beach in Australia for all of his folks), and I bought it (the price was amazing). I didn't want to risk bad luck by having the groom see the dress before the wedding, but I had to get his okay on it since it was so radically non-traditional. He took one look at the picture of me in it and said, "You obviously love it, so I love it. Go for it - it's our day, who cares what anyone else says?" And that was that. Then I was in Savers looking for bridesmaid dresses, and found this dress for $59.99. I figured I should try it on - because it is strapless, I needed help, so I asked a woman near the dressing room to help me. She zipped me up and gasped, "Wow! It looks like it was made for you! You HAVE to buy it!" And I agreed - it did look like it was made for me.

While I was waiting to check out, holding the armful of dress, the same woman came by and chatted with me as I waited. As I was checking out, she gave me a 30% off coupon - I got the dress for $42!!!! With all the beadwork and detachable train, it had to have originally been at least $1000. I couldn't believe it!! I decided to let Paul think we were still non-traditional, and conspired with my friend Allison to keep it from him. We had organized for a friend who is a professional photographer to do the pictures for us, but as things ran over budget and I lost some work, we just couldn't afford it. The person who was supposed to make our cake totally forgot about it, and was now unavailable. Fortunately, I remembered my friend Madison's fiancee is a baker, and she was fortunately willing to make the cake to have as portfolio work, as she is looking to expand her work. I called the Hallmark Institute of Photography to see if there was a student who was looking for portfolio work (hoping against hope), and we found Helena - who just that morning was wondering where she would find a wedding to use for an end-of-semester project! The cake ended up being one of the most amazing, delicious things ever (the ducks we found and thought they were cute - no real story behind them).

And we honestly cannot say enough good things about the photos - Helena is an incredibly talented photographer, and was a delight to work with.

The ceremony itself was fairly non-traditional, but we like to think it reflected our personalities and incorporated our spiritual paths. Our celebrant is a friend of mine, who is in the process of becoming ordained. We were her first wedding, which made it that much more special for all of us. There were a few glitches (like Sulis not understanding my direction about letting the music finish then centering the congregation then cueing the entrance music so that was a bit awkward - and we all forgot the sand for the sand ceremony, but between Sulis and Brenda, it came off great), but overall it was just memorable. Paul's mom and my dad have passed away, and my mom wasn't able to be with us (combination of health, finances, and I don't have a place for her to stay with me at the moment), so I asked Brenda to stand in for my folks and give me away. It meant so much to me to have her stand with me. Jen, my maid of honor, was amazing. She stepped up and helped organize where we had holes in the planning, and performed amazing poetry during the ceremony. I am so deeply grateful to have these two incredible women in my life.

The reception was amazing. I have never felt so incredibly loved and supported as when we were introduced and everyone applauded - and kept going! They wouldn't stop!!! Everyone was so happy for us, and I loved watching my friends fall in love with my husband. It was truly amazing. We had decided to do a potluck reception because we just didn't have the funds to do anything else. We were nervous, because we thought people might thing it was tacky - but the main comment I got was that folks loved it because it let them feel like they were a part of everything. And the food was out of this world! We got to dance a bit ("our" song is "Forever" by KISS) - and our bubble is still in place - every time we danced, we couldn't have told you if there was another person in the room.

It was a perfect day. We spent our wedding night in a bed and breakfast in South Hadley, MA - it was beautiful, and the hostess was delighted we chose to spend it with them.

On our way to the B&B, we realized we were both starving. So we stopped off at a gas station in Holyoke to buy Subway, and loved the reactions we got from the folks who worked there! :)

Our good friends Mindi and Dan Fried were unbelieveably kind and generous, and treated us to a second night at the B&B, and it was the perfect way to start our married life together.

That first day coming back to the "real" world, we stopped off to Savers - and I re-donated my dress. I had thought about consigning it (heaven knows we could have used the money), but decided to pay it forward. I am grateful to whomever donated it in the first place so that I could have something so beautiful for my big day - I hope someone else has the same joy I did. It's been an amazing journey coming to this point. Ten days after we got married, I dropped Paul of at Boston's Logan Airport to head out to Australia to lay the groundwork for our life together there. We are back to Skyping, and it will be at least a year before we hold each other again. And I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Married and sleeping alone

I promise - I'll be posting within the next 48 hours about the wedding, and putting some pictures in. But first, I wanted to talk about Paul's relocation to Australia - there has been a lot of questions about it, and I thought I'd try to address them here. Paul is from Adelaide, South Australia (if you put your hands together to make a circle, it is roughly the shape of Australia - Adelaide is where the thumbs come together). He came here 3 years ago because his then-wife wanted to live in the U.S. to be closer to her parents (she is Greek, but her folks came here when she was 3, and she has dual-citizenship with Greece and the USA). Within a few months, she had had an affair, hooked up with another partner, and told Paul the marriage was over. She put him on a plane to Australia (saying she and their son would be joining them and they were going to try to work it out so he would go willingly). Literally the day he left, she moved her new lover in with her and their son, and that was that. Paul returned to this country Oct 2011 to fight for custody of his son. We think it is primarily because the court was afraid he'd take Z back to Australia at the first opportunity that she was awarded full physical custody (and they were likely right). So he sees Z Mon/Wed evenings 4:30-8:30, and every other weekend. This in itself isn't enough to justify his return to Australia. It was never his intention to go back before his son could go with him. However, we are sadly not dealing with a sane, rational, situation here. His ex-wife has a history of making things up to mess with him - when he first got back into the country, he gave his son a cell phone so they could stay in touch. It was written into the custody order that they be able to communicate, and that she allow Z to have the phone to have private conversation with his father. The first time they tried to speak, she answered the phone, then stood over Z to overhear the conversation. Afterwards, she took the phone away and they have never spoken on the phone again. When Paul left for Australia the last time and she moved her lover in, she threw away everything related to Paul - photographs, letters, mementoes of Paul's mother who has passed away, Paul's baby book, gifts Paul had given his son, Paul's KISS collection - everything. She even went into Z's room and found a game his dad had mailed him from Australia for his X-box - she left the package, but took the game out of the machine and threw it away so Z couldn't play it. Then she called the police and told them Paul had hit her and threatened Z and had him arrested (this cost him a really good job at Mercy Hospital that he was supposed to start in 3 days). When it came to trial, she claimed "marital privilege" and dropped the charges - reminding him that she could do this at any time if he did anything she didn't like. As a result, the only work he's been able to find in this country is minimum-wage jobs working overnights at a convenience store and as the fish guy in the grocery store (thank goodness for that part-time job!). When he returned to this country, his ex-wife's mom took him in so she could also have access to Z (Paul's ex-wife banner her from having any contact with Z as well). This worked well for quite some time, with Paul getting a lot of support (and even encouragement to start dating again!). When I came onto the scene, she seemed genuinely happy Paul had found something real with someone who genuinely cared about him, not just his wallet. But for some reason, when I left for the ship, that changed, and it became an incredibly toxic environment. Between child support and increased rent demands from his ex-mother-in-law, Paul was left with maybe $30/week to live on and support his son (his ex-mother-in-law also stopped cooking for them on the days Z was visiting), and also pretty much took away laundry and cooking privileges in the house. It became exceptionally toxic, and a phenomenally depressing place to be - with no real hope felt, as he was in an impossible situation as on his income he couldn't really afford a place of his own (it would have to be a 2-bedroom or the court won't let Z spend the weekends). I help out as I can, but my income on the ship only left me with a small amount at the end of the month as well. After great discussion and deliberation, Paul decided to return to Australia where he doesn't have to constantly look over his shoulder to wonder if today is the day she'll decide she doesn't like something and have him arrested again just to be spiteful. In Australia, he is one of the top swimming instructors, and highly sought-after. His earning capacity is over 7 times what he can make in this country, and he has a support network there. So we made the difficult decision to put him on a plane back to Australia, to put things in place for his son and myself to join him as soon as possible. We've been getting a lot of questions (hence this post) about why I'm not going at this point. There are a few factors involved - because we don't have a home there, it is easier for Paul to couch surf and get things settled and set up without having to worry about having me along at this point. More relevant, though, is the financial situation. It is approximately $1750 for a one-way ticket from the US to Australia, $3500 for a round trip ticket. As far as we know, until my residency paperwork is approved, I would only be able to stay in the country for up to 90 days at a time, and then have to leave the country for at least 48 hours. So on top of the $4000 we have to pay with the visa paperwork, we'd have to come up with my airfare and ongoing airfare to keep me legal while we wait for visa approval. So that's why, 10 days after our fairy tale wedding, we are married but sleeping alone. The good news is Paul has 3 job interviews set up for the day after he gets home. I'm a bit concerned about him going full throttle and not letting himself adjust to being in-country for a few days (I am always so exhausted after a really long flight), but I love that he wants to get me there as quickly as possible. I promise to keep you all posted on how things are going. Thanks, everyone, for all your love and support.

Looking back, stepping forward

Wow - I can't believe it has been so long since I've posted. I apologize if you've been looking forward to an update! So the last time I wrote, I was on a ship in the middle of the ocean. I left the Island Princess on October 10, to return to Massachusetts and my beloved fiancé (we decided we were getting married while I was on the ship). About my time on the ship - it was challenging in many ways, but overall I am grateful for the experience. I learned a lot about myself, about boundaries and standing up for myself, speaking up for myself, creating community and staying positive in an environment that just wants to complain. I got to spend time in the Caribbean, fell in love with Aruba, saw part of the America's Cup while in harbor in San Francisco, crossed off three "bucket list" items (saw where Joan D'Arc was martyred, sailed Alaska, and went through the Panama Canal), and had the best meal of my life in Funchal, Madeira. I made some amazing friends, and find myself a little more nostalgic and homesick for the ship than I ever thought I would be. October 11, the day I got home, Paul "officially" proposed to me. He looked at me and said, "Do you really love me? I mean, do you REALLY love me?" I said "Yes, of course you know I do." He then got down on one knee, pulled out the ring box to show me the ring, and said, "You know I love you. You know I want to be with you. You know I love you with all my heart. Will you, Kat, do me the honor, of becoming my wife?" I started to cry and said "Yes." He put the ring on my finger, and I jumped up and shouted to the place, "I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!" The place applauded, and a lovely woman came over and asked to see my ring. We took some pictures, and it was a day to remember always. He proposed at the same table where we shared our first date, coffee at Starbuck's. Since I've been home, it has been a whirlwind of activity getting ready for the wedding on November 16. We did a lot of legwork while I was at sea, but there are still a lot of last-minute details to take care of. I have to say, this has been a far different experience than my first wedding to my ex-husband, and Paul says the same is true for him. I am loving having a fiancé that is so engaged and wants to be part of the process - it's really sweet how excited he is to get married, and how much he is loving planning and preparing for our wedding. It has been quite a process planning a full wedding on such a shoestring budget, but somehow we're managing without going *too* far over budget. All I can say, is how immensely humbled and grateful I am for the love and support of my friends who have rallied to help pull it all together, especially Allison Biggs, graphic designer extraordinaire who has singlehandedly organized the signage, decorations, reception, flowers, and a million other details I never would have thought about. Looking forward to the wedding in 2 days time! :) If you are interested, I am also selling most of the pottery I have made in a dual effort to downsize and to help fund the $4000 we need for my visa for Australia. Some of it is somewhat beginner, but all made by me with love. Feel free to have a look, comment on any piece(s) you may like, and let me know so we can organize getting it out to you (no reasonable offer will be refused).

He liked it so he put a ring on it!!!! :D

Life on a Cruise Ship

Everywhere I go, everyone says how cool my job is and how wonderful it must be to work on a cruise ship. And for the most part, it really is a cool job. I am making friends with people from all over the world - in fact, in the past week, two of my friends that are leaving the ship to go home on vacation have friended me on Facebook - so now I have friends in Russia and Turkey! A cruise ship is a really interesting environment - so many cultures (over 40 different countries are represented in the crew), with the common language of English required for employment, but the reality is varying levels of competency and it makes for some challenging moments (especially when you have to remind folks to please speak English during work calls). We all live, work, relax, and eat in a common environment, and in many ways it is a somewhat classless society - but yet it is very class-oriented. Even though there is only one crew bar and one crew mess (cafeteria), some of us have "deck privileges" and are able to eat in the Horizon Court Buffet rather than the crew mess. A few of us are "officer status" and can also eat in the officer's mess (where the food is MUCH better). Like many places, I've observed those in the more direct service positions often treated as if they are invisible - its taken about a month for people to even be willing to look at me in the M-1 (the main crew corridor on one of the lower decks). I think this is more that people don't often "see" each other rather than not wanting to know the new kid. Once I started to be known at the chick that makes eye contact and smiles, I've noticed that there are some folks that almost seem like they look out for me because I will go out of my way to say hello to them. I have to admit, the food on the ship is an interesting proposition - and surprisingly, very different on the Island Princess than on the Crown Princess. On the Crown Princess, I didn't mind eating most times in the Staff or Crew Mess (Staff Mess being a separate dining room with waiters and its own buffet). On the Island, the Staff Mess is just a separate room, but not its own buffet like on the Crown. On the Island Princess, over 85% of the crew is from the Phillipeans, and the food selection in the Crew Mess tends to reflect that. One of the more challenging aspects can be the attitude of "everyone is single on the ship". I have seen many a married person hook up, break up, and hook up again to try to relieve the lonliness that can be this environment in some ways, and to just "scratch the itch." I've had a few men hit on me, and some it has taken some convincing for them to understand that I am taken, I am committed, and I am in no way interested in "taking a break" from my relationship during my contract. Some of them can't seem to understand it at all, but finally I seem to have a bubble around me that says "don't even think about it." Fortunately, I have been making a lot of friends, and for me, that is enough.