Holding the Vision

This is the hardest part - the waiting.

It is so easy to just say "relax and let it go" when it isn't you in the Hot Seat.

It's funny, I know I shouldn't feel abandoned, but a part of me does - before the interview, everyone was saying how they're pulling for me - and I really, really appreciate that. But now that it is over, a few folks have asked how it went (and I'm referring them here, because it is exhausting to tell the same story over and over and over again), but no-one is really saying that they're still holding me in their thoughts. Interesting...

It actually reminds me a little of when I was going through a breast cancer scare a few years back. The few folks I told about it were like "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that - keep me posted." - but no one wanted to stand with me in that in-between place. They want to know what is going on, and they want to know whether to commiserate or celebrate, but they don't know what to do or what to say when you don't know - and therefore do not talk to you.

I am equal parts excited and terrified to get this job. It seems like the farther away I get, the more I start second-guessing myself, wondering if I should have done some little thing differently during the interview. Hoping they'll call my references, because I know they'll say good things about me.

The idea of a cross-country move is overwhelming, but as I sit in the humidity of the Northeast, I realize yet again how "done" I am with New England weather. It is hot in California and the sun is intense, but I really like it better without the humidity.

I really want to call the girls whose place I looked at and tell them that I will take it - and I want to be living there by October 1...

Vision, hold faith, trust - repeat...