what is a "Valentine"?

I find this so-called holiday amazing, amusing, and fascinating. Amazing because it seem to polarize people so much. Amusing because people do get so bent out of shape about it (I know - I have been one of them). Fascinating because people don't (it seems) to know what it is they are celebrating.

First of all, it is a Catholic Saint - most of the folks I know who observe St. Valentine's feast day (for that is what it is) are a) not Catholic (or are non-practicing), b) don't know what St. Valentine is known for. Even from a Catholic website about saints, it says that he was martyred under Claudius, but I can't find anything noteworthy about him except that he died (as did a lot of other people). He apparently did, as one of his final acts, send a note to a woman, signed "Love, Your Valentine" - but that's about all I can find. http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159

Now don't get me wrong - I am all for taking a day and celebrating the love you share with someone. I won't say, however, that this particular holiday has, at times, seemed like a plot to make single, unattached people feel bad. More so than the jewelery commercials at Christmas, the advertising campaigns are "the whole world is in love" - and if you aren't one of them, well, aren't you pathetic.

It seems to be getting worse, too - now that the social media has picked up on it. I admit - last year I was very sad at Valentine's Day - I had just found out that my ex-boyfriend, who I was hoping to reconcile with, had just gotten engaged - so yeah, it wasn't a happy day for me (or the few preceding it, either). I made the mistake of checking my facebook account that day, and all I saw were statuses of "put up a pic of you and your sweetie and say how long you've been blissfully happy together!" - needless to say, that didn't feel so good, and I said so.

Part of why this is an interesting holiday to me is because of what appears to be extreme division over it. It's like you have to either be blissfully in love, or pathetically single - like there is no middle ground. I mean, what about those folks who are in relationships, but they may not be all that happy? I've had a few of them really get in my face trying to convince me they are happy on Valentine's Day (or perhaps they are trying to convince themself?) so that they won't have to join the pathetic hoardes of singletons out there.

There seems to be very little tolerance or compassion on the part of people in relationships for those who struggle with Valentine's Day - a brief foray into facebook yesterday showed an amazing number of comments like "Stop bitching that you hate Valentine's Day! You're obviously so pathetic that it's no wonder no one wants to be your valentine!" In fact, the fiance (who I considered a friend) of one of my best friends has not spoken to me in exactly a year now because I was one of the "love grinches" last year - so much so, that when I go to visit my girlfriend, it tends to be arranged for when the fiance is out of the house. (I have apologized and do regret expressing my grief the way that I did - it is my genuine hope that someday this will be healed)

Then you have the folks who try to make the singletons feel better - the "well, since you don't have a 'special someone', you can make your, um, cat/dog, something else your valentine!" The intention is good, but the impression is that you are still somehow lacking because you don't have that "someone special."

That said, who is to say who a "special someone" is? Personally, I really miss my male cat, Dash - who really was the most loving, committed, unconditional male I have ever had in my life! Who is to say that it isn't the child of a single mom, a woman who courageously is devoting her time and resources to raising a wonderful human being? Who says it must to be someone that you are having an intimate physical relationship with and buy chocolate, flowers and candy for?

I propose this: they say you cannot find real love until you truly love, honor, and appreciate yourself. Therefore, become your own valentine. Learn to treat and honor yourself if the way you would the most beloved of lovers. For then, in my humble opinion, will you truly celebrate St. Valentine's Day.