They say everything happens for a reason, and I am fairly inclined to believe it. It has been about a month now since I began this new phase of my life, and it has already brought with it some amazing lessons.
It was really hard dropping my cats off at their new home. I know they are in a great place, and have been getting updates that they are doing well, but my heart is so empty without their loving presence and beautiful, sweet faces. It was crushing to give up the only real home I have ever known, and to say goodbye to my life and my friends in Northampton.
That said, it was fun spending a few days with my good friend, Bobby, in Jersey City, and having the chance to get to know him better. The first few days of working on the show were a real "honeymoon", and settled into the "real" work once we got to Reno.
There are times I feel like I really did lose a piece of myself when I was married. It seems like it used to be so easy for me to be in social situations and be part of what is going on around me. Now it seems like it requires more effort, and is often difficult - or rather seems to be.
I have gotten into a routine here - water aerobics at 9am, maybe yoga at 11am, lunch, shower, a nice walk, and an hour or so with my book at my new favorite coffee place. Then dinner, work the show, and bed. Maybe errands or exploring a new place on my one day off. I have made some lovely acquaintences that I say hello to at the hotel, and some of the women in my aerobics class are really lovely and I enjoy chatting with them in the hot tub after class.
I won't say that I wasn't hoping for at least a little camraderie with the group I work with, but I have discovered that I am just at a different place in my life. They enjoy going out drinking after the show - I have never been much of a bar person, so although I'll occasionally join them, it really isn't my thing. Some are more friendly and conversational than others, but for the most part I find myself on my own. Fortunately, I find that I enjoy my own company and rarely feel lonely. Homesick on occasion, but rarely lonely.
Speaking of homesick - I have had a few instances of forgetting where I am. Like when I went to the mall the other day - it is much like any other mall - I was thinking what I would do after, the errands I would run. Then I walked out of the store and realized that I was nowhere near my car, and my "home" doesn't exist anymore. It is so weird when that happens. Just like when I finish the show for the night - I am so used to closing up a quiet theater, that the first few times when I walked out into the casino, it was like being assaulted - all the noise, lights and people.
I am grateful for this opportunity. It has been a long time since I did this kind of Stage Management, and it is good to be extending my experience. Each day brings a new reminder or lesson, and I am grateful.
And I am REALLY grateful that I escaped New England before the major winter hit....
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Sure, rub it in about missing the winter... It's freakin' cold around here, darn it, and I'm already sick of snow days where I'm stuck in the house with my boys (all of them, often the worst being my dear husband!)....
ReplyDeleteBut enough about me, I love that you are settling into a routine, and it sounds quite exciting. You are missed here, too! :)
Well, I won't say it is exactly exciting, although I do love people's reaction when I tell them what I do. I am sure the others think I am rather boring in that I don't go out to the bars so often, but I like my routine - I like my exercise classes, I'm feeling good, and I'm enjoying the fact I have time to myself without having to feel I have a ton of other stuff to do.
ReplyDeleteAnd I especially like knowing I am missed. Thank you - that means a lot. <3