Ever since I accepted the position with "Menopause the Musical", it feels like "insert joke here _____." In a good way. This is so exciting - my first major national tour, something I have been dreaming about since I was 16 - and just today realized it is coming true.
In addition to being a major national tour, it is a really cool show. Everyone I tell that I am going with this particular production gets really excited - even non-theatre people are jealous, because it is is this show!
I won't say I'm not nervous, however - I feel like the new kid starting school in the middle of the school year - joining an existing cast and crew that are already really tight. The one calming factor is that my friend, Gary, who I worked with in Indiana, will be the one training me in my job. I have every belief that if he a) didn't think I could do it, he would have said something and they would not have hired me and b) he knows and loves me - if he says everyone else will too, I believe him. :)
I have been excited about parts of my journey so far this year, but something just feels so incredibly "right" about this - I really can't wait to get on the plane in the morning. The bags are packed except for a couple things I need in the morning, and I'm raring to go! :)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
a lifetime in six weeks
Wow - I've been saying for a while that I need to update my blog - I can't believe the last post was just over a month ago! It seems like forever, and that I've lived a lifetime in the past six weeks.
It took me a the better part of a day to get out of Florida - I just didn't want to leave! I ended up climbing the 2nd tallest lighthouse in the U.S., drove through Daytona Beach, and bought a bag of oranges you can only get in Florida (oooh, yummy!).
Over the next few days I drove through Georgia, South Dakota, North Dakota, and Virginia. Among other things, I saw a submarine that looked like it was surfacing out of the ground, a one-footed bird, a 25' tall can of 7-up, a 30' mailbox painted like a cow, a 10' roller skate, the world's largest frying pan, the world's largest tire, and the smallest church in America. Needless to say, I had the time of my life driving up the coast!
I stopped in the DC area for 3 days, spending the first night with my old friend, Meredith - we haven't seen each other in years, and I will plan better next time and be able to spend more time with her, Lucky, and Peggy. The next couple nights were spent in the Baltimore area with my friend, Howie, and his lovely new wife, Patty. Patty and I are like sisters now, and I can't wait to go back and visit. I'm so happy for them both. While in the area I also had the delight of visiting my magical friend, Alain, meeting his daughter, and getting to know him better. Yay for visiting with friends!
I went to the Holocaust museum - both because I have wanted to for years, and also to do research for my book. I wish I had planned better and given myself about 5 more hours to be there. When I was leaving, there was a school group ahead of me - and I didn't have a chance to talk with the Holocaust survivors that were kind enough to donate their time. I really want to get back there soon. So much was haunting and moving about the experience - but the few things that affected me the most - the list of the towns that are no more, inscribed in 1" letters in the windows of one of the walkways - the sheer volume of space used begins to put the huge numbers into perspective. Next was the railcar - I got to stand in the middle of the car used to transport people to the camps - it would have felt cramped with 25 people in it, and they crammed on average 100 people at a time into each car. And oddly, the huge photograph of the stacks of hair that had been shaved off women's heads to be sold for pillow stuffing and other projects. I don't understand why, but that photograph almost disturbed me more than anything else I saw that day.
Then it was onward North again, to visit with friends and see their lovely growing family, have dinner with my dear friend, Bobby, just outside of NYC, and then to spend a couple nights in Bridgeport, with my good friend, Nate. I interviewed at ARS Nova in NYC (literally next door to where they film the Colbert Report!), and really enjoyed being back in NYC again after missing it for so many months. I also discovered that there is a Catholic church in Bridgeport, CT that has gardens designed after the Vatican - very pretty, with lots of nice statues.
Going through CT I saw the world's tallest elevator (in a building with no windows!), and visited with Dana & Dorrie in West Hartford. Finally I have landed back in Western MA, staying with friends and doing some housesitting. I've been able to take in some good theatre, and am enjoying being back among friends and catching up with folks I haven't seen in a while.
It has firmed up that March 27-April 28 I will be touring with "Menopause the Musical" on a 5-week midwest tour - after that, not sure exactly what's happening.
And so the adventure continues.... :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
aaaand we're off (again)!! :)
Wow - I can't believe how fast the past month has gone, and that it is time to hit the road again. It is exciting, though, and a lot of things seem to be happening at once.
And yes, in case you were wondering - The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was incredible. It was Hogsmeade Village come to life, and the ride in the castle was both terrifying and exhilarating. I had an amazing time, and am grateful to have also re-connected with a friend from UMass and got to know her better.
Spending time with my friends in Orlando has been precious. I feel so blessed for the time and space to rest, refocus, and just have fun.
Today begins the road journey again. I'm splurging and getting a massage, then heading up North. My first destination is South of the Border, to take some fun pics. Then to Baltimore to stay with some friends for a couple days and visit the Holocaust Museum. Then back to MA, to figure out the next step.
I've been interviewing with some tours (still haven't heard from IL yet) - may be working with "Menopause the Musical", "Ballet Hispanico" or some as yet unknown entity.
It's a tad nervewracking, but all very exciting.
We're off!!!! :)
And yes, in case you were wondering - The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was incredible. It was Hogsmeade Village come to life, and the ride in the castle was both terrifying and exhilarating. I had an amazing time, and am grateful to have also re-connected with a friend from UMass and got to know her better.
Spending time with my friends in Orlando has been precious. I feel so blessed for the time and space to rest, refocus, and just have fun.
Today begins the road journey again. I'm splurging and getting a massage, then heading up North. My first destination is South of the Border, to take some fun pics. Then to Baltimore to stay with some friends for a couple days and visit the Holocaust Museum. Then back to MA, to figure out the next step.
I've been interviewing with some tours (still haven't heard from IL yet) - may be working with "Menopause the Musical", "Ballet Hispanico" or some as yet unknown entity.
It's a tad nervewracking, but all very exciting.
We're off!!!! :)
Friday, January 13, 2012
I'm going to Hogwarts!!
Tonight is my last night in Tampa. I'm already 85% packed, and finishing up errand-running. I had a lovely evening at Sacred Grounds Coffee Shop (some of the best coffee ever - MUST go when you are in the Tampa area) having coffee, gourmet pizza, and listening to some great work-in-progress standup comedy.
While sipping my coffee, I got to thinking about the fact I haven't been sleeping very well lately, and wondering why. I know part of it is stress - okay, most of it is likely stress - not knowing where the road will take me. Over the past couple weeks, I've probably sent out about 40 resumes, and had a couple of interviews. I know something is coming and I will go where I am meant to be, but even with faith in hand, it is stressful and kinda scary to be standing on the edge of a cliff and not knowing what will catch you or when.
But I am also VERY excited. Excited to be heading up to Orlando for a few days to see some friends, and going to Disney's Wild Kingdom on Sunday and Hogwarts on Monday. Then I head to Baltimore to see friends I haven't seen in years - and if I don't have a job offer by then, most likely heading back to Massachusetts.
It will be wonderful to see the folks I love in MA, but I have to admit, part of it feels like moving back into mom's house because I didn't make it in the world. I know that isn't true, but I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't admit it.
But mostly I'm excited. :)
While sipping my coffee, I got to thinking about the fact I haven't been sleeping very well lately, and wondering why. I know part of it is stress - okay, most of it is likely stress - not knowing where the road will take me. Over the past couple weeks, I've probably sent out about 40 resumes, and had a couple of interviews. I know something is coming and I will go where I am meant to be, but even with faith in hand, it is stressful and kinda scary to be standing on the edge of a cliff and not knowing what will catch you or when.
But I am also VERY excited. Excited to be heading up to Orlando for a few days to see some friends, and going to Disney's Wild Kingdom on Sunday and Hogwarts on Monday. Then I head to Baltimore to see friends I haven't seen in years - and if I don't have a job offer by then, most likely heading back to Massachusetts.
It will be wonderful to see the folks I love in MA, but I have to admit, part of it feels like moving back into mom's house because I didn't make it in the world. I know that isn't true, but I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't admit it.
But mostly I'm excited. :)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
goodbye 2011, with gratitude
It is approximately 5 1/2 hours until 2012. Like most folks, the past few days I have been mentally reviewing the past year, thinking about all the things that have been wonderful, some not so wonderful, what I could have done differently, and what I have learned (I hope).
Like every year, I think so many of us look at the New Year's Holiday as a chance to "get it right this year" - with a whole shiney new year laid out before us, another chance to change things. But how often do we stay committed to those goals, those "resolutions"? How often have we made the same goals and continued to make the same mistakes and find ourselves just another year older, with another shiny new year in front of us?
Well, for me, it has been an adventure of epic proportions. I gave up my apartment in January, went to NYC for a week to rehearse "The Buddy Holly Story", then ran with the show for 11 weeks in Reno, NV. While there, I made some very dear friends, and found a wonderful faith community in the Unitarian Society of Northern Nevada. It was fantastic to be back in the mountains, and to have missed the severe snowstorms of the Northeast last winter. My time in Reno was not without challenge, but thanks to some amazing coaching with Aaron Schmookler, I not only got through it, but I thrived and found many things about the experience for which I am grateful.
From Reno, it was a whirlwind back to MA to design the lighting for the 5 College Dance program, and the Emerging Choreographer Series concert. From there on to Minneapolis, MN to work with the very talented Andrea Assaf and the wonderful folks at Pangea World Theater to produce the world premiere of "Eleven Reflections on September". From there, it was back to MA for a couple weeks, then driving halfway across the country to Carmel, IN, to work.
I worked in IN for about 6 months - I have to admit, when I was offered the job, the feeling in the pit of my stomach was that it wasn't the right fit for me. I convinced myself I was just nervous because it was such a huge change, and accepted the job - if I have learned nothing else this year, it is to trust that gut instinct. Within 2 weeks, I knew I was in the wrong place, but tried to make the best of it. Fortunately, I got on great with the resident companies, and tried to make the best of the situation - for the rest of it, I did have many meetings with management to try to resolve the situation, but with each meeting, it became more obvious to me that it was just a bad fit. So the end of November, I tendered my resignation, and have rarely been so relieved to leave a place.
There are so many feelings associated with my time in IN, and I am grateful for them all. I made some friends that are like family to me, that I know will always be there for me (and I hope they know I will always be there for them). There are some friends that (I don't know who they are) who have been nice to my face, but have gone behind my back on some things - and although I do not appreciate their actions, I hope they know that I believe that they have done what they felt they had to do. I am disappointed that they didn't feel that they could talk to me, and couldn't see that the anger and hurt I expressed was not directed at them, but I do not blame them. I have found that a lot of times people engage (often unaware) in passive-aggressive behavior because they do not have the skills in the moment for face-to-face confrontation, which is never easy.
There were situations that hurt me, and I did not handle some of them well. I have apologized multiple times, both publicly and privately, and feel I have done all that is in my power to make it right (and the others involved have not spoken to me about it, so I do not know what else I can do). Whether they forgive me or not, I hope they know that I am sorry for what happened, and harbor them no ill will.
During my time in IN and immediately following, I helped to produce 2 more productions of "Eleven Reflections on September" - one in Knoxville, TN, and another in Tampa, FL. Both were exceptionally well received, and we are hopeful that funding will continue and allow us to keep touring the production.
Which brings me to the current time - I am still in Tampa, until at least mid-January 2012, housesitting for some friends. I have to say, I adore being in a warm climate during the cold months! For the first time, the seasonal depression isn't debilitating me, and I actually enjoy getting out for a 1-2 mile walk every morning.
I have my bayberry candle to light at midnight with my intention for the year, and champagne to welcome the new year. As I look back on the roller coaster that was 2011, I find myself deeply grateful - for new friends, and all the challenges that I have had that continue to refine the person I want to become. For like children, the best way to learn is to sometimes fall on our faces - so I am grateful for the falls I have taken this year, and look forward to all that 2012 will bring.
Blessings to all from the field of all possibilities. Happy New Year.
Like every year, I think so many of us look at the New Year's Holiday as a chance to "get it right this year" - with a whole shiney new year laid out before us, another chance to change things. But how often do we stay committed to those goals, those "resolutions"? How often have we made the same goals and continued to make the same mistakes and find ourselves just another year older, with another shiny new year in front of us?
Well, for me, it has been an adventure of epic proportions. I gave up my apartment in January, went to NYC for a week to rehearse "The Buddy Holly Story", then ran with the show for 11 weeks in Reno, NV. While there, I made some very dear friends, and found a wonderful faith community in the Unitarian Society of Northern Nevada. It was fantastic to be back in the mountains, and to have missed the severe snowstorms of the Northeast last winter. My time in Reno was not without challenge, but thanks to some amazing coaching with Aaron Schmookler, I not only got through it, but I thrived and found many things about the experience for which I am grateful.
From Reno, it was a whirlwind back to MA to design the lighting for the 5 College Dance program, and the Emerging Choreographer Series concert. From there on to Minneapolis, MN to work with the very talented Andrea Assaf and the wonderful folks at Pangea World Theater to produce the world premiere of "Eleven Reflections on September". From there, it was back to MA for a couple weeks, then driving halfway across the country to Carmel, IN, to work.
I worked in IN for about 6 months - I have to admit, when I was offered the job, the feeling in the pit of my stomach was that it wasn't the right fit for me. I convinced myself I was just nervous because it was such a huge change, and accepted the job - if I have learned nothing else this year, it is to trust that gut instinct. Within 2 weeks, I knew I was in the wrong place, but tried to make the best of it. Fortunately, I got on great with the resident companies, and tried to make the best of the situation - for the rest of it, I did have many meetings with management to try to resolve the situation, but with each meeting, it became more obvious to me that it was just a bad fit. So the end of November, I tendered my resignation, and have rarely been so relieved to leave a place.
There are so many feelings associated with my time in IN, and I am grateful for them all. I made some friends that are like family to me, that I know will always be there for me (and I hope they know I will always be there for them). There are some friends that (I don't know who they are) who have been nice to my face, but have gone behind my back on some things - and although I do not appreciate their actions, I hope they know that I believe that they have done what they felt they had to do. I am disappointed that they didn't feel that they could talk to me, and couldn't see that the anger and hurt I expressed was not directed at them, but I do not blame them. I have found that a lot of times people engage (often unaware) in passive-aggressive behavior because they do not have the skills in the moment for face-to-face confrontation, which is never easy.
There were situations that hurt me, and I did not handle some of them well. I have apologized multiple times, both publicly and privately, and feel I have done all that is in my power to make it right (and the others involved have not spoken to me about it, so I do not know what else I can do). Whether they forgive me or not, I hope they know that I am sorry for what happened, and harbor them no ill will.
During my time in IN and immediately following, I helped to produce 2 more productions of "Eleven Reflections on September" - one in Knoxville, TN, and another in Tampa, FL. Both were exceptionally well received, and we are hopeful that funding will continue and allow us to keep touring the production.
Which brings me to the current time - I am still in Tampa, until at least mid-January 2012, housesitting for some friends. I have to say, I adore being in a warm climate during the cold months! For the first time, the seasonal depression isn't debilitating me, and I actually enjoy getting out for a 1-2 mile walk every morning.
I have my bayberry candle to light at midnight with my intention for the year, and champagne to welcome the new year. As I look back on the roller coaster that was 2011, I find myself deeply grateful - for new friends, and all the challenges that I have had that continue to refine the person I want to become. For like children, the best way to learn is to sometimes fall on our faces - so I am grateful for the falls I have taken this year, and look forward to all that 2012 will bring.
Blessings to all from the field of all possibilities. Happy New Year.
Monday, December 19, 2011
a new chapter
Tomorrow begins a new chapter. There are those over the past months that I can say I feel have "done me wrong" - some intentionally, some not. I won't say that it doesn't matter, because I believe how we treat each other does matter.
What I will say is that I am sorry. To Carmel Repertory Theatre, that we had the misunderstanding that we did, and that I didn't handle it better. I still consider you all my friends, and am sad that things came down the way that they did.
I try to be accountable for my actions, and strive daily to live consciously and authentically from my heart. Over the past few months, in some ways, I feel like I've lost track of myself - but am on the road to remembering who I am.
To those who have tried to hurt me - I forgive you. To those who have hurt me by omission, or by listening to untrue rumor and choosing to believe without talking to me and trusting our friendship and who you know me to be - I forgive you. I may not agree with the path you have chosen with regard to our relationship, but I trust the Universe that you are on the path you need to be walking.
Tomorrow is a new day - I embrace it with love, and start a new path in this journey.
Blessed Be. ♥
What I will say is that I am sorry. To Carmel Repertory Theatre, that we had the misunderstanding that we did, and that I didn't handle it better. I still consider you all my friends, and am sad that things came down the way that they did.
I try to be accountable for my actions, and strive daily to live consciously and authentically from my heart. Over the past few months, in some ways, I feel like I've lost track of myself - but am on the road to remembering who I am.
To those who have tried to hurt me - I forgive you. To those who have hurt me by omission, or by listening to untrue rumor and choosing to believe without talking to me and trusting our friendship and who you know me to be - I forgive you. I may not agree with the path you have chosen with regard to our relationship, but I trust the Universe that you are on the path you need to be walking.
Tomorrow is a new day - I embrace it with love, and start a new path in this journey.
Blessed Be. ♥
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
what I have learned
Nothing in this post should be news to anyone - but maybe, like me, it is time for a reminder.
What I have learned over the past few months in Indiana:
I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and work in an environment that is not hostile.
It is not exceptional to expect to do the job I was hired to do.
I have the right to have responsible feedback from my manager if they accuse me of being substandard.
I do NOT have to accept an abusive environment/situation in order to have the illusion of security in my life (like a steady paycheck).
I have the right to walk away if a situation is not what I was told it would be, or if I feel I am in a toxic/abusive situation. And I do not have to explain myself.
Joy is a magnet. When I allow myself to be joyful, regardless of the situation, I do draw to me great things and people.
I am not my circumstances. Regardless of how some choose to see/treat me, I know my worth, and that I am a loving, joyful person.
I choose how I react to situations and people. Just because they are miserable and insecure, doesn't mean that I have to be (that one can be hard).
I am more than the work that I do. However, I know that I am someone who puts who I am into what I do - therefore, it is very important for me to choose a supportive, nurturing environment that celebrates and uses my strengths rather than being threatened by them.
I read somewhere recently that people who own their lives view challenges like athletes view resistance training - it all makes you stronger, and it feels good to have to ramp it up.
In other words, I do not have to settle - and deserve all that makes me happy, fulfilled, and more.
Bring it on. I am a joy magnet.
What I have learned over the past few months in Indiana:
I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and work in an environment that is not hostile.
It is not exceptional to expect to do the job I was hired to do.
I have the right to have responsible feedback from my manager if they accuse me of being substandard.
I do NOT have to accept an abusive environment/situation in order to have the illusion of security in my life (like a steady paycheck).
I have the right to walk away if a situation is not what I was told it would be, or if I feel I am in a toxic/abusive situation. And I do not have to explain myself.
Joy is a magnet. When I allow myself to be joyful, regardless of the situation, I do draw to me great things and people.
I am not my circumstances. Regardless of how some choose to see/treat me, I know my worth, and that I am a loving, joyful person.
I choose how I react to situations and people. Just because they are miserable and insecure, doesn't mean that I have to be (that one can be hard).
I am more than the work that I do. However, I know that I am someone who puts who I am into what I do - therefore, it is very important for me to choose a supportive, nurturing environment that celebrates and uses my strengths rather than being threatened by them.
I read somewhere recently that people who own their lives view challenges like athletes view resistance training - it all makes you stronger, and it feels good to have to ramp it up.
In other words, I do not have to settle - and deserve all that makes me happy, fulfilled, and more.
Bring it on. I am a joy magnet.
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