and so it begins...

I received the contract for the tour on Friday, 17 December. Wow - it's really real, and it's really happening.

Here's the schedule through May: Jan 8-13, rehears "Buddy...The Buddy Holly Story" in NYC (I'll be the Production Manager), Jan 14-April 3, run "Buddy" in the El Dorado Casino/Hotel in Reno, NV. April 4-April 14, design and tech the ECS Dance Concert at Hampshire College, April 15-May 2, coordinate all technical/design elements for a new piece of work that is premiering at the Pangea World Festival in Minneapolis, MN. And by the time Pangea is over, hopefully I'll have an offer for summer work or a permanent job. Although the company I'm going to Reno with is already saying we want to talk about future tours and possible lighting design.

I've given my landlord 30 days' notice, I've told the Fine Arts Center that I'll see them in May for the end of the semester, and I have 2 people I am talking to about my cats. I wish I had more options for the girls, but I know the right place will manifest. I've even bought probably 90% of what I need for the tour, including a brand-new, bright red large suitcase. (I had no idea decent luggage was so ridiculously expensive!)

I will be in NYC in rehearsal in exactly 3 weeks from today, yet I still can't get my head around the fact that this is really happening. I'm joyously excited, yet terrified at the same time - I had no idea these two feelings could exist simultaneously.

Talk about taking a leap - I am becoming intentionally homeless, virtually moving in with my best friend (thanks, Bren!) to keep a MA home base, and putting 95% of my stuff into storage. But can I tell you how grateful I am for the purge I did over the summer so that I don't have that to deal with! I guess it is true - if you want to make major change in your life, clean your house and get rid of stuff! :)

Of course, the hardest part of all of this is my cats - I never dreamed I would ever, in a million years, be in a place of finding a home for my "kids". But I know that this opportunity is the best thing for me. I have been craving being back on the road, and I know this will open doors for me. And I also know that it is no life for my cats, to essentially be alone for weeks at a time. They are loving, social creatures, and need to be in a place where they will have someone to look after them in all the ways I just can't right now. Does it break my heart? Absolutely - I am devastated and every time I think of not waking up with them cuddling me, I burst into tears - I don't think I've cried this much since Sam & Dash died 3 years ago.

One of the things that has helped is something my Coach pointed out to me (thanks, Aaron!) - that I pledged to care for them for the rest of their lives. By admitting that I cannot care for them in the ways they need and deserve and finding someone who can, I am honoring my promise to them. It still hurts like crazy, but I do feel more peace around the decision.

So the next 3 weeks are going to be a blur of furious activity - finishing going through papers so I don't pay to move stuff that will be thrown out, packing what goes with me, what goes into deep storage, and what needs to be easily accessible in case it needs to be sent to me. And finding time to spend time with friends who want to see me before I go.

Wow - this is really happening....