This is probably one of the hardest conditions to live under. Not knowing if you are coming or going, where the next paycheck is coming from, not sure if you have anything to look forward to anytime soon.
In my case, I don't know if I'm staying or going. It has made me reluctant to make long-term plans with anyone, loathe to date (I mean, why start a relationship if you think you might be leaving within the next few months?), and have for the most part felt like I have "disconnected" from so much around me in preparation for the fact I "might" be leaving.
This disconnection has created a genuine disconnect in my life - and it came crashing in on me on the Thanksgiving holiday. I have pulled back, everyone knows I have pulled back, and it created a very isolated, lonely, difficult holiday - you know, the one where you're standing outside knee-deep in snow, being pelted with freezing rain, starving, not wearing a coat, and looking through the window at everyone else warm, happy, having fun with people who love them. Not that I wasn't fine making my dinner of vegetarian chili and acorn squash, watching a marathon of "Charmed" on DVD and crocheting - but I really would have much rather been with people who love me.
I also lately can't seem to shake the feeling that the reason I'm not moving forward is that I haven't finished my "purge/clean/organize" campaign yet - I still have to finish my home office (the hardest part - I'd rather do the basement again!), and one box of stuff in the bedroom. It's like this one little bit of clutter/disorganization keeps me rooted and stuck.
Then again, it is symbolic of how I feel at the moment. I really want to release where I am and move forward into a full-time job in another part of the country (preferably warm, sunny, no snow and no humidity) - but when I really think about moving, it paralyzes me in some ways. I have lived in New England pretty much my entire adult life (since I was 21), and in the same apartment for over 7 years (the longest I have been anywhere since I moved out of my parents' house). I came to understand who I am here - I reinvented myself here - I became ME here. My best friends (okay, most of them - a couple are in Vegas and L.A.) are here. I am secure in the place where I work and I know it well (even if it isn't as consistent as I would like). The thought of starting over in a new place without really knowing anyone or anything is a lot more terrifying at 40 than it is at 20, believe me.
So I live in limbo - wanting to move forward, yet scared to leave. Trusting that what needs to happen will be revealed, and trying to do the footwork in front of me to allow it to happen - but in some ways, really not sure what I want to hope for.
Living in that place of not knowing created a paralysis - one I am now choosing not to engage in. I am living here while I am here. I am dating, taking work, making plans - with the understanding that if the right job in the right place comes along, I may have to say "I'm sorry, I have to back out on that commitment - my future is calling me now."
I am someone who doesn't like to not fulfill my commitments - so when I make them, I do so openly - saying that there is a possibility I may eventually move. But just for today, this is where I am, and I am happy to be here.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Failure is NOT an option
It really is amazing what can happen when you approach something with this particular attitude. I forget the exact quote, but I believe it was Napoleon who said something along the lines of: "I focus on the goal - the obstacles merely move aside." In other words, you focus on what you need to do, and somehow you find a way to do that.
I discovered this past week, that this is remarkably true. I had been hired to be the Lighting Designer for a dance concert. I knew there would be video used in the concert, so I would have to adjust for the projection. I knew there would be some level of technical coordinator work involved, as I would be in charge of the hang/focus of the lights - what I didn't expect, was to walk into the space and have everyone look at me and say "here are the keys, you tell us what to do" - for everything. There was no-one there who belonged to the space who knew how to get what I needed, so nearly 1/3 of what I needed showed up (after much begging), about an hour before we were supposed to start cueing (ie, setting the lighting) for the dance pieces. Needless to say, I ran a day over with tech, just getting it ready for cueing.
The deadline was fast approaching to cue the pieces - I still had 6-7 hours worth of work to do, and I was by myself (oh, did I mention that I had no experienced crew to do the hang/focus, and only 12 hours to put it all together when it would normally take about 30 hours?). I was on the verge of a breakdown - it was physically impossible for me to finish everything that needed to be done.
Note: the space I am working in is ridiculously badly laid out. A good third of the circuits needed overhead are nowhere near the area where they are actually needed, the dimmer box is a rats nest of cables that are hand-plugged, and the overhead grid are all illegal extention cords that are not rated for the kind of heat that the lights generate - it's rather scary, actually. And the scaffolding doesn't have a gate on it, so getting in and out is a scary adventure.
Fortunately, by the grace of God, I found out one of my stagehand friends got back a couple weeks early from England. When he heard what I was going through, he changed his plans for the day, and in 6 hours accomplished more than the inexperienced crew did in 12 (and fixed some of the things they did improperly and unsafely as well).
We started cueing 15 minutes late, finished late because it was the first time the dancers had been in the space (they didn't allow time for the dancers themselves to get used to being in a new place), but we got it done.
There were some sound issues that made us open the house a little late (fortunately, I am not in charge of sound *grin*), but we opened. Failure was not an option, and we found a way to make it happen.
When you refuse to make excuses, focus on your goal, you really do find a way to make it happen.
When failure is not an option, you learn how to make miracles happen. :)
I discovered this past week, that this is remarkably true. I had been hired to be the Lighting Designer for a dance concert. I knew there would be video used in the concert, so I would have to adjust for the projection. I knew there would be some level of technical coordinator work involved, as I would be in charge of the hang/focus of the lights - what I didn't expect, was to walk into the space and have everyone look at me and say "here are the keys, you tell us what to do" - for everything. There was no-one there who belonged to the space who knew how to get what I needed, so nearly 1/3 of what I needed showed up (after much begging), about an hour before we were supposed to start cueing (ie, setting the lighting) for the dance pieces. Needless to say, I ran a day over with tech, just getting it ready for cueing.
The deadline was fast approaching to cue the pieces - I still had 6-7 hours worth of work to do, and I was by myself (oh, did I mention that I had no experienced crew to do the hang/focus, and only 12 hours to put it all together when it would normally take about 30 hours?). I was on the verge of a breakdown - it was physically impossible for me to finish everything that needed to be done.
Note: the space I am working in is ridiculously badly laid out. A good third of the circuits needed overhead are nowhere near the area where they are actually needed, the dimmer box is a rats nest of cables that are hand-plugged, and the overhead grid are all illegal extention cords that are not rated for the kind of heat that the lights generate - it's rather scary, actually. And the scaffolding doesn't have a gate on it, so getting in and out is a scary adventure.
Fortunately, by the grace of God, I found out one of my stagehand friends got back a couple weeks early from England. When he heard what I was going through, he changed his plans for the day, and in 6 hours accomplished more than the inexperienced crew did in 12 (and fixed some of the things they did improperly and unsafely as well).
We started cueing 15 minutes late, finished late because it was the first time the dancers had been in the space (they didn't allow time for the dancers themselves to get used to being in a new place), but we got it done.
There were some sound issues that made us open the house a little late (fortunately, I am not in charge of sound *grin*), but we opened. Failure was not an option, and we found a way to make it happen.
When you refuse to make excuses, focus on your goal, you really do find a way to make it happen.
When failure is not an option, you learn how to make miracles happen. :)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Feel the fear...
One of my favorite quotes is: "Feel the fear and do it anyway." In fact, Susan Jeffers wrote a book by that name (perhaps that's where I got the quote?).
As you know, I have been in the process of working toward landing a job in my field for about a year now. It has been an exciting year - running away and joining the circus, taking the Calamari Sisters on a mini-tour, and two trips to California for 3 job interviews. I have had at least 15 or more phone interviews, and several in-person interviews from Holyoke, MA to San Francisco and Los Angeles. I have probably sent out over 200 resumes in the last year.
I have had a few friends remark how impressed they are at the initiative they see me take - sending out the resumes, going on the interviews, constantly trying to refine what I am doing to make myself more effective and attractive to potential employers. In the meantime, doing what I need to do to be ready to move forward and keep the bills paid in the meantime.
During the course of the past year, I have learned a few things - one, fear freezes people. When you let yourself get too caught up in your head, wondering about what will/won't/might happen, you don't take action. When you are afraid it might be a repeat of a past experience, you don't take action (very common with romantic relationships, I have found). However, I have also found (thanks to T. Harv Eker for the quote), that FEAR DOESN'T EXIST IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. When you are present where you are, you take action, and you cannot indulge the fear - because you are present.
I've also discovered that it is only when you REALLY want something, that you finally take the action to get it. We all say "I want to lose weight," "own my own business," "write a book," "have better relationships," etc. - but nothing changes because we don't take action - and most of the time we don't take action because we are afraid.
The secret isn't so difficult - feel the fear and do it anyway. Am I afraid I won't be able to pay my bills this month? Yes. Am I afraid I spent a ton of money I really don't have to go to California for these interviews and I won't get the job? Yes. Am I afraid I might actually get the job? Hell yes! What am I doing? Feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
Remember - NOTHING WILL CHANGE AS LONG AS YOU ARE FEELING COMFORTABLE. Change happens on the edge of the comfort zone, when you just don't know what can/might/will happen.
You have to let go of where you are in order to become what you want. In other words, you have to get out of the chair you are sitting in if you want to dance with your partner.
Yes, I really did say that I am terrified I might get what I want - I think that holds more people back than anything else - because if you get what you want, then what? No more excuses - you HAVE to move to the next level! And yes, that can be wicked scary.
But you know what? Feel the fear and do it anyway - and everything becomes possible.
As you know, I have been in the process of working toward landing a job in my field for about a year now. It has been an exciting year - running away and joining the circus, taking the Calamari Sisters on a mini-tour, and two trips to California for 3 job interviews. I have had at least 15 or more phone interviews, and several in-person interviews from Holyoke, MA to San Francisco and Los Angeles. I have probably sent out over 200 resumes in the last year.
I have had a few friends remark how impressed they are at the initiative they see me take - sending out the resumes, going on the interviews, constantly trying to refine what I am doing to make myself more effective and attractive to potential employers. In the meantime, doing what I need to do to be ready to move forward and keep the bills paid in the meantime.
During the course of the past year, I have learned a few things - one, fear freezes people. When you let yourself get too caught up in your head, wondering about what will/won't/might happen, you don't take action. When you are afraid it might be a repeat of a past experience, you don't take action (very common with romantic relationships, I have found). However, I have also found (thanks to T. Harv Eker for the quote), that FEAR DOESN'T EXIST IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. When you are present where you are, you take action, and you cannot indulge the fear - because you are present.
I've also discovered that it is only when you REALLY want something, that you finally take the action to get it. We all say "I want to lose weight," "own my own business," "write a book," "have better relationships," etc. - but nothing changes because we don't take action - and most of the time we don't take action because we are afraid.
The secret isn't so difficult - feel the fear and do it anyway. Am I afraid I won't be able to pay my bills this month? Yes. Am I afraid I spent a ton of money I really don't have to go to California for these interviews and I won't get the job? Yes. Am I afraid I might actually get the job? Hell yes! What am I doing? Feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
Remember - NOTHING WILL CHANGE AS LONG AS YOU ARE FEELING COMFORTABLE. Change happens on the edge of the comfort zone, when you just don't know what can/might/will happen.
You have to let go of where you are in order to become what you want. In other words, you have to get out of the chair you are sitting in if you want to dance with your partner.
Yes, I really did say that I am terrified I might get what I want - I think that holds more people back than anything else - because if you get what you want, then what? No more excuses - you HAVE to move to the next level! And yes, that can be wicked scary.
But you know what? Feel the fear and do it anyway - and everything becomes possible.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Reflection
It has been a while since I last posted, and it has seemed a lifetime in the living.
On September 16, 2010, my friend and co-worker, George N. Parks passed away very suddenly of a heart attack. Those who knew him are still reeling in shock, as it just doesn't seem possible that someone that vibrant and full of life can just be...gone.
I keep saying that George is a beautiful example of how one person can change the world - one of the primary comments you hear about him is how he changed the life of every person he came in contact with. He made you feel like you were the most important person he could give his attention to, and that you mattered - no matter how well or long you may have known him.
I had the pleasure of working with George on many occasions at the UMass-Amherst Fine Art Center, where I work as a Production Stagehand. I've babysat rehearsals for the Marching Band, worked the Multibands Pops concert for 8 years now, and multiple smaller concerts of sections of the Marching Band. I also worked with George on the UMass "Caring and Sharing" campaign, and watched him virtually single-handedly raise the money for the new band building currently under construction on the UMass-Amherst campus. He was an amazing, inspirational man, and he will be greatly missed - and his legacy will continue for generations.
I would also like to take a moment to acknowledge some other very special people at this time. The UMass Minuteman Marching Band - for their incredible dedication and courage in continuing to perform "with pride" as George would want them to. No one would have thought the less of them if they had not played at the game in Michigan on the 18th September - however, they not only played, they performed beautifully. About 1/2 hour ago I arrived home from the Multibands Concert, where I have never heard the band play with such heart. Multiple standing ovations.
And speaking of standing ovations - I was touched and thrilled that Thom Hannum, George's Assistant Band Director, received a standing ovation when he took the stage. It has fallen to Thom to step and lead in George's place through this challenging time. It is my belief that the band has held together so well and performed so admirably because of the example they have in the leadership of Thom Hannum. Thom is a gentle, humble man, who, like George Parks, puts one foot in front of the other and tries to do the next right thing. Thom has been nothing short of amazing these past few weeks, shouldering challenges that would crumble a lesser man. The Band is lucky to have him, and the UMass community owes him a debt of gratitude and I am grateful for the well-deserved ovations he received for his strength, grace, and dedication.
The Power and Class of New England - EYES WITH PRIDE!!
On September 16, 2010, my friend and co-worker, George N. Parks passed away very suddenly of a heart attack. Those who knew him are still reeling in shock, as it just doesn't seem possible that someone that vibrant and full of life can just be...gone.
I keep saying that George is a beautiful example of how one person can change the world - one of the primary comments you hear about him is how he changed the life of every person he came in contact with. He made you feel like you were the most important person he could give his attention to, and that you mattered - no matter how well or long you may have known him.
I had the pleasure of working with George on many occasions at the UMass-Amherst Fine Art Center, where I work as a Production Stagehand. I've babysat rehearsals for the Marching Band, worked the Multibands Pops concert for 8 years now, and multiple smaller concerts of sections of the Marching Band. I also worked with George on the UMass "Caring and Sharing" campaign, and watched him virtually single-handedly raise the money for the new band building currently under construction on the UMass-Amherst campus. He was an amazing, inspirational man, and he will be greatly missed - and his legacy will continue for generations.
I would also like to take a moment to acknowledge some other very special people at this time. The UMass Minuteman Marching Band - for their incredible dedication and courage in continuing to perform "with pride" as George would want them to. No one would have thought the less of them if they had not played at the game in Michigan on the 18th September - however, they not only played, they performed beautifully. About 1/2 hour ago I arrived home from the Multibands Concert, where I have never heard the band play with such heart. Multiple standing ovations.
And speaking of standing ovations - I was touched and thrilled that Thom Hannum, George's Assistant Band Director, received a standing ovation when he took the stage. It has fallen to Thom to step and lead in George's place through this challenging time. It is my belief that the band has held together so well and performed so admirably because of the example they have in the leadership of Thom Hannum. Thom is a gentle, humble man, who, like George Parks, puts one foot in front of the other and tries to do the next right thing. Thom has been nothing short of amazing these past few weeks, shouldering challenges that would crumble a lesser man. The Band is lucky to have him, and the UMass community owes him a debt of gratitude and I am grateful for the well-deserved ovations he received for his strength, grace, and dedication.
The Power and Class of New England - EYES WITH PRIDE!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Visioning
There are two crucial steps to making change in your life - first, having a vision of what you want to make happen. Second, taking steps to make that happen. Okay, 3 things - the third being to KEEP TAKING THE STEPS! So often we work so hard, only to stop just before the finish line. I know I'm not the only one to "self-sabotage" myself this way. So what can be done about it?
First, stop making excuses. You are not responsible for everyone around you, and if something is genuinely important to you, you WILL find time to sit with yourself to get clear about it. This process can be combined with other things - for example, I really want to exercise more - and I find I do some of my best thinking when I'm walking.
One of the things I find extremely useful is to have someone to hold me accountable. Like with exercise - I am far more likely to actually do it on a regular basis if I know I have to meet someone, and far more likely to sleep in or get distracted by something else and blow it off if I am on my own.
It is also critical to not make promises that you do not intend to keep - especially to yourself. Most of us will kill ourselves to keep our word to someone else, but not think twice about keeping it to ourselves - however, not keeping our word to ourselves not only hurts us, but undermines our authenticity and reliability to others. It's like the adage: "If you can't love yourself, no one else can." ~ Therefore, "If you can't trust yourself, no one else can."
So you sit and create your vision - you know what your goal is. For example, mine at this time is to find a full-time job in Theater, 1) that I will enjoy and will challenge me and let me develop my design skills, and 2) preferably in a climate that I want to live in (go go Vegas or Los Angles!).
Along with knowing the goal, you have to be IN the vision. Not seeing yourself like in a movie, but actually IN the picture - looking through your eyes, feeling with your senses. Having been to both of these cities this year, it is really easy for me to BE there (I think my body still is - when it gets under 70 degrees here, I'm freezing!).
Next, is taking steps to achieve the goals. Every chance I get, I remind myself that where I am is where I am for now, and that it is a matter of time before I find where I am supposed to be (or will achieve my goal weight, etc etc). In other words, all you are is not where you are, unless you tell yourself it is.
Then, keep taking the steps - this is where I see most people (myself included) lose it. You start feeling good, you let things slide, or you think it is never going to happen. The fact of the matter is, things take time to gestate - they rarely happen overnight. As one of my mentors, James Arthur Ray puts it: "Would you walk up to a woman who is 4 months pregnant and say 'Well? Where is it? Where's the baby? Is this REALLY going to happen?' " Of course not! It is the same for everything else in life - it takes a particular amount of time to come into existence. Some things we just know how long they take (like babies), and others we don't (like finding the right job).
This is where having someone to "hold your feet to the fire" and keep you accountable comes in. Having to check in with someone makes you more likely to take consistent action. This can be in the form of a friend (like an exercise buddy), or in a more formal role like a therapist or Life Coach.
This is what started this whole vein/rant about visioning and accountability - yesterday I had an exploratory session with a Coach, to see if we want to work together. I like his style - he is honest, direct, doesn't pull punches, calls me on my stuff, points out where I am getting in my own way and not being accountable for something, and cheers when I finally get it. As he puts it, he is a "loving witness" - and sometimes truly loving includes "tough" love.
Working with this Coach is going to be hard, challenging, probably painful at times (I've already cried 3 times when talking to him), but powerful, transformative and wonderful. He sees my patterns, and holds me to the focus, and doesn't let me off the hook - in other words, he holds me accountable to what I want and need. He is a good match for me in this way, and it is both scary and wonderful to find someone who is your match. I am both terrified and excited to begin this part of my journey, and grateful to know that it won't be alone.
It is scary to step out into uncharted territory. We become very attached to our limitations and where we are - even if it isn't where we want to be - because it is familiar.
There is comfort in the familiar - but in order to get where you want to be, you MUST be willing to release where you are (ie, I'll let go of this doorknob in MA when I arrive in Los Angeles - it just won't work that way).
I'm releasing, and taking a leap...
First, stop making excuses. You are not responsible for everyone around you, and if something is genuinely important to you, you WILL find time to sit with yourself to get clear about it. This process can be combined with other things - for example, I really want to exercise more - and I find I do some of my best thinking when I'm walking.
One of the things I find extremely useful is to have someone to hold me accountable. Like with exercise - I am far more likely to actually do it on a regular basis if I know I have to meet someone, and far more likely to sleep in or get distracted by something else and blow it off if I am on my own.
It is also critical to not make promises that you do not intend to keep - especially to yourself. Most of us will kill ourselves to keep our word to someone else, but not think twice about keeping it to ourselves - however, not keeping our word to ourselves not only hurts us, but undermines our authenticity and reliability to others. It's like the adage: "If you can't love yourself, no one else can." ~ Therefore, "If you can't trust yourself, no one else can."
So you sit and create your vision - you know what your goal is. For example, mine at this time is to find a full-time job in Theater, 1) that I will enjoy and will challenge me and let me develop my design skills, and 2) preferably in a climate that I want to live in (go go Vegas or Los Angles!).
Along with knowing the goal, you have to be IN the vision. Not seeing yourself like in a movie, but actually IN the picture - looking through your eyes, feeling with your senses. Having been to both of these cities this year, it is really easy for me to BE there (I think my body still is - when it gets under 70 degrees here, I'm freezing!).
Next, is taking steps to achieve the goals. Every chance I get, I remind myself that where I am is where I am for now, and that it is a matter of time before I find where I am supposed to be (or will achieve my goal weight, etc etc). In other words, all you are is not where you are, unless you tell yourself it is.
Then, keep taking the steps - this is where I see most people (myself included) lose it. You start feeling good, you let things slide, or you think it is never going to happen. The fact of the matter is, things take time to gestate - they rarely happen overnight. As one of my mentors, James Arthur Ray puts it: "Would you walk up to a woman who is 4 months pregnant and say 'Well? Where is it? Where's the baby? Is this REALLY going to happen?' " Of course not! It is the same for everything else in life - it takes a particular amount of time to come into existence. Some things we just know how long they take (like babies), and others we don't (like finding the right job).
This is where having someone to "hold your feet to the fire" and keep you accountable comes in. Having to check in with someone makes you more likely to take consistent action. This can be in the form of a friend (like an exercise buddy), or in a more formal role like a therapist or Life Coach.
This is what started this whole vein/rant about visioning and accountability - yesterday I had an exploratory session with a Coach, to see if we want to work together. I like his style - he is honest, direct, doesn't pull punches, calls me on my stuff, points out where I am getting in my own way and not being accountable for something, and cheers when I finally get it. As he puts it, he is a "loving witness" - and sometimes truly loving includes "tough" love.
Working with this Coach is going to be hard, challenging, probably painful at times (I've already cried 3 times when talking to him), but powerful, transformative and wonderful. He sees my patterns, and holds me to the focus, and doesn't let me off the hook - in other words, he holds me accountable to what I want and need. He is a good match for me in this way, and it is both scary and wonderful to find someone who is your match. I am both terrified and excited to begin this part of my journey, and grateful to know that it won't be alone.
It is scary to step out into uncharted territory. We become very attached to our limitations and where we are - even if it isn't where we want to be - because it is familiar.
There is comfort in the familiar - but in order to get where you want to be, you MUST be willing to release where you are (ie, I'll let go of this doorknob in MA when I arrive in Los Angeles - it just won't work that way).
I'm releasing, and taking a leap...
Sunday, September 5, 2010
People are funny....
So it's Labor Day Weekend, and I'm having a huge yard sale to get ready for my impending move - wherever that may be.
I had a few folks stop by today, and made about $106 all told - not bad! I need about another $170 to pay for the gas for the trip across the country (probably a little more, but we'll be optimistic).
My first customer today amused the hell out of me. She came by and wanted my large, blue, plastic Ikea bag and 2 VHS tapes - I figured a couple bucks each for the tapes and a $1 for the bag (it was a BIG bag). She pitched a fit, screaming that yard sales are supposed to be cheap, and how dare I ask so much. I offered to come down to $3, and she insisted that I was a horrible person and that she would have nothing to do with the tapes and only wanted the bag (I now wish I had refused to sell it to her)- I told her if she wanted to be that way, fine - no biggie to me, and continued to laugh at her the rest of the time she was here. She went next door to the stack of free stuff in front of the other building, found a piece she liked, and said that's the way it is supposed to be, and that she's a scavenger - to which I responded, "I noticed." The look she gave me was priceless, and I continued to laugh as she drove away.
I had another woman pitch a fit when I said I would start negotiations at $5 for a Pampered Chef product that retails for $20-$25, and had never been out of the box. She asked me to come down to $2, and I said that as it was early, no go. She said she'd be back at the end of the day to get it cheap. Later she came back with friends, and said she was coming back tomorrow at the end of the day to buy it for half - I said "Nah, for you, it will be doubled" and her friends laughed. They also overheard me tell someone about the earlier woman, and asked if it was their "cheap friend" I was talking about - too funny!
I only had one person ask if everything was free.
I tell you - people crack me up! :)
I had a few folks stop by today, and made about $106 all told - not bad! I need about another $170 to pay for the gas for the trip across the country (probably a little more, but we'll be optimistic).
My first customer today amused the hell out of me. She came by and wanted my large, blue, plastic Ikea bag and 2 VHS tapes - I figured a couple bucks each for the tapes and a $1 for the bag (it was a BIG bag). She pitched a fit, screaming that yard sales are supposed to be cheap, and how dare I ask so much. I offered to come down to $3, and she insisted that I was a horrible person and that she would have nothing to do with the tapes and only wanted the bag (I now wish I had refused to sell it to her)- I told her if she wanted to be that way, fine - no biggie to me, and continued to laugh at her the rest of the time she was here. She went next door to the stack of free stuff in front of the other building, found a piece she liked, and said that's the way it is supposed to be, and that she's a scavenger - to which I responded, "I noticed." The look she gave me was priceless, and I continued to laugh as she drove away.
I had another woman pitch a fit when I said I would start negotiations at $5 for a Pampered Chef product that retails for $20-$25, and had never been out of the box. She asked me to come down to $2, and I said that as it was early, no go. She said she'd be back at the end of the day to get it cheap. Later she came back with friends, and said she was coming back tomorrow at the end of the day to buy it for half - I said "Nah, for you, it will be doubled" and her friends laughed. They also overheard me tell someone about the earlier woman, and asked if it was their "cheap friend" I was talking about - too funny!
I only had one person ask if everything was free.
I tell you - people crack me up! :)
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Holding the Vision
This is the hardest part - the waiting.
It is so easy to just say "relax and let it go" when it isn't you in the Hot Seat.
It's funny, I know I shouldn't feel abandoned, but a part of me does - before the interview, everyone was saying how they're pulling for me - and I really, really appreciate that. But now that it is over, a few folks have asked how it went (and I'm referring them here, because it is exhausting to tell the same story over and over and over again), but no-one is really saying that they're still holding me in their thoughts. Interesting...
It actually reminds me a little of when I was going through a breast cancer scare a few years back. The few folks I told about it were like "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that - keep me posted." - but no one wanted to stand with me in that in-between place. They want to know what is going on, and they want to know whether to commiserate or celebrate, but they don't know what to do or what to say when you don't know - and therefore do not talk to you.
I am equal parts excited and terrified to get this job. It seems like the farther away I get, the more I start second-guessing myself, wondering if I should have done some little thing differently during the interview. Hoping they'll call my references, because I know they'll say good things about me.
The idea of a cross-country move is overwhelming, but as I sit in the humidity of the Northeast, I realize yet again how "done" I am with New England weather. It is hot in California and the sun is intense, but I really like it better without the humidity.
I really want to call the girls whose place I looked at and tell them that I will take it - and I want to be living there by October 1...
Vision, hold faith, trust - repeat...
It is so easy to just say "relax and let it go" when it isn't you in the Hot Seat.
It's funny, I know I shouldn't feel abandoned, but a part of me does - before the interview, everyone was saying how they're pulling for me - and I really, really appreciate that. But now that it is over, a few folks have asked how it went (and I'm referring them here, because it is exhausting to tell the same story over and over and over again), but no-one is really saying that they're still holding me in their thoughts. Interesting...
It actually reminds me a little of when I was going through a breast cancer scare a few years back. The few folks I told about it were like "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that - keep me posted." - but no one wanted to stand with me in that in-between place. They want to know what is going on, and they want to know whether to commiserate or celebrate, but they don't know what to do or what to say when you don't know - and therefore do not talk to you.
I am equal parts excited and terrified to get this job. It seems like the farther away I get, the more I start second-guessing myself, wondering if I should have done some little thing differently during the interview. Hoping they'll call my references, because I know they'll say good things about me.
The idea of a cross-country move is overwhelming, but as I sit in the humidity of the Northeast, I realize yet again how "done" I am with New England weather. It is hot in California and the sun is intense, but I really like it better without the humidity.
I really want to call the girls whose place I looked at and tell them that I will take it - and I want to be living there by October 1...
Vision, hold faith, trust - repeat...
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