common courtesy

It is a crazy time, here at the Smirkus. Getting everything ready and together for opening day on Friday, making sure I have my head together and organized (I know it is the only thing that will save me this summer), and dealing with musical bunkmates.

The intern is moving in as we speak. I spoke with the Tour Manager earlier today, and voiced my concerns about the intern's attitude. It is extremely difficult for me to have those kinds of conversations, and I am grateful that I am in an environment where I feel safe and supported. In fact, the Tour Manager said that she knows she is putting me in a difficult position, and wants me to know that I am supported and that she understands. This really is an amazing organization.

So - the intern. After being informed by the Production Manager about her move, she approached me and informed me that I have 2 choices: her saxophone can either go under my bunk in storage, or it will be stored in the open where it will be tripped over. I asked if she gets it out a lot, and she said "all the time". I said it could be fine, but that she should consider putting it in the closet, since that is her dedicated space. She informed me it wasn't an option, and walked away.

I took a little time to absorb this, and decided that her attitude is not acceptable. I called her over a while later, and told her that there is a third choice - she stores it in her bunk. I also informed her that her attitude is not acceptable, and that she needs to show some courtesy and respect. I used the example of the project she was doing for me yesterday - that the courteous and professional thing to do would have been to inform me that she was unable to complete the project, so that I could put it back on my to-do list. She immediately began with the excuses, "I got pulled into other things!" to which I replied, "I understand that and it's fine, but it would have been common courtesy to inform me it wasn't done, instead of leaving it for me to find." I further said, "We will be living in very close quarters - you need to show some courtesy and respect - pleases and thank you's will go a very long way." She then walked away, and it took me about 10 minutes before my hands stopped shaking.

When I returned to the bunk after dinner and a shower, she was unpacking. I asked if she would mind giving me a couple of minutes to get dressed, and came out, and demanded that I give her my drawer. I reminded her that she has the entire closet, and she whined that I have this space and that space. I smiled, said "no", and told her that if she had said "please" it would likely have been a different story - and it would. I would have been happy to move my underwear to a bag under my bunk, if she had shown some simple courtesy.

I don't feel like it should be my job to snap her leash on the respect issue, but I am also not going to allow her to walk all over me. Just like training a dog - you behave, you get what you want, you don't behave, you don't get anything.

I think my lessons in this are about being clear in boundaries and standing up for myself, something that is often challenging for me. I will say, however, that our last interaction felt good when I informed her that it would have been different if she had been respectful.

I just hope she doesn't snore.... :)